Our surrogate had our baby—but when my husband bathed her, he said, ‘We cant keep this child’

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Here is my story, and I’m still shivering with fear while recalling those moments. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve had more than several hours of sleep since last Thursday. You know how long we’ve waited for Sophia. Ten years! And those were ten years of injections, of crying my heart out at every negative test which felt like I was a failure every single time, of being frustrated with my “broken” body.

Now that we finally brought her home, I couldn’t help but feel as if I were holding my breath. I did not dare to make any noise or express excitement out of fear that the cosmos might notice the error and reclaim her. Yet, there she was, our baby girl, asleep in our crib.

And then came her first bath.

We were in the bathroom, and this was to be our core memory, yes? The ‘perfect parents’ experience? Well, Daniel was being so incredibly sweet – you know what he’s like, such a perfectionist! He was holding her delicate head up with one hand while pouring hot water from this little plastic cup over her. She looked like fragile china to him.

But then…

He suddenly just stopped!

The cup tipped over, water began sloshing out into the bath again and he just stood there frozen. “Daniel,” I called out to him, but he didn’t so much as blink. His face was fixed on the area of her back above her shoulder blades in sheer terror. “No,” he murmured. “Not possible.”

Before I had a chance to question him, he blurted out, “We can’t keep her!”

My heart dropped not just down, but to my feet. My mind raced with all sorts of scenarios – did he have second thoughts? Was she ill? Was she not ours?

But he wanted me to look closer. As I leaned down, I saw it. It wasn’t a mark from birth or a scratch from the crib. It was a scar, a line perfectly straight from a surgical cut. She had been operated on without us ever knowing.

Words cannot describe how frantic and panicked I felt at that point. Daniel bundled her up in a towel, still trembling, and we were out the door. I was trying desperately to get ahold of Kendra, our surrogate, but it went straight to her voice mail. Again and again and again.

I don’t even remember how we got to the hospital. I couldn’t stop looking at my baby girl, questioning what was inside her and what they had done to her. Finally when we arrived at pediatrics, this doctor approached with total calmness, which actually made me scream internally, and said “the procedure was successfully performed.”

He explained that she had a slight risk of infection at birth and required “immediate intervention.” I asked him as to who gave consent as this surely wasn’t from our side, and then the door opened and in came Kendra.

Her face was so pale that it looked like she had seen a ghost. Once inside the doctor’s office, she explained that the doctors had informed her that the procedure was urgent. She said that the doctors had attempted to contact us, but were unable to do so. So, she had to sign the forms and make the decision for our child.

There I stood, looking into the eyes of this person who had been entrusted with everything, only to look into those of another doctor who had never even heard my name before, and come to understand that they had seen me as an outsider in my own daughter’s life. There had been just a single phone call from the hospital. Only one. And because we didn’t answer immediately, they assumed that we weren’t available.

I felt insignificant. Like just another faceless woman paying the bills.

I was honest with Kendra and explained that even though she meant no harm, I was angry at her; I told her that she made a decision which was mine to make. I also demanded from the doctor every document, all the logs of the conversation on the phone, and an an explanation on why I was not been seen as a parent when the situation became complicated.

On the way back home, there was absolute silence in the car; Daniel was blaming himself for not having insisted to remain by her side throughout the delivery, or for not having checked her body after we went out of the hospital. I did not allow him to say those words because we cannot write history.

Upon our return, the bathroom was still messy. The water in the tub remained the same. It seemed that while away from this life, we had returned into another life. It became difficult for Daniel to continue the process, which I ended up finishing myself.

I put her back in that warm water and began washing her. While doing so, I remembered that scar mark on her back, and suddenly, it dawned on me that she is indeed a fighter. She endured surgery in the absence of her mother and father by her side, yet emerged from it perfectly.

I’m still angry. I’m going to spend the next month making sure that hospital never ignores a mother again. But when I held her in that towel and she made this little annoyed squeak because she was cold, Daniel actually laughed. A real laugh.

They made efforts to make me just an afterthought. They think that being a mother begins when the paperwork is simple, but they are mistaken. I am her mother because it is me who is there, and it is me who will never let go.

Finally, I know that she belongs to me. It hasn’t been a flawless process, but it is now when the world tried to push me aside that I found myself back by her side. Everything will be all right from now on. She is asleep, and for the first time in ten years, I believe that I can sleep too.

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Bored Daddy

Love and Peace

arty

My first dinner with my boyfriend’s family: From awkward beginnings to an unexpected turn

By

Monica Pop

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The moment my boyfriend suggested I should meet the whole family, not only did fear overcome me, but I went into a total daydream for a full day in advance. Ever felt yourself detached from everything happening around you, observing everything that occurs from afar? This is exactly how I felt at that particular moment. All my day was spent in preparations for the meeting in mind, thinking about what to say and how to behave in case things go wrong. I imagined what I was supposed to do in case of introduction, what kind of first impressions I would make in case I would not appear to be myself, what kind of clothing to choose to create good impression without appearing artificial. I wanted others to like me because I seemed approachable and nice, but I also did not want people to think I am putting on some kind of a false face.

Trust me when I tell you that the drive there was a blur. All I could hear was my boyfriend telling me over and over again to just breathe because everything was going to be just fine. And honestly, that’s the least useful piece of advice one should hear when feeling as anxious as I had at the time. Yet when we walked into the front door of his house, everything changed. My expectation was of a cold, clinical-style room, where all I would be facing is the interrogating look of his parents.

Instead, what I walked into was a place that was almost inviting in its warm glow and the delicious scents coming from the kitchen and the laughter coming from the dining room. When his parents welcomed me in, there were no handshakes. They came up to me with their eyes crinkling from smiling genuinely at me, letting me know instantly that they liked me before even meeting me.

That’s exactly when the floor dropped out. As we walked into the kitchen, my boyfriend looked at me with a completely straight face and said, “Hope you brought your wallet… we’re all starving.”

My mind went blank. Just when my inner debate stopped, it began again. For an instant, I did the calculation in my head about how much money I carried with me and if I should make the offer to pay for myself or maybe order something on DoorDash. I must have appeared extremely scared because the next thing that I heard was a roaring laugh coming from his father. He wasn’t politely amused by my reaction but laughed with gusto, hitting my boyfriend on his shoulder. “Come on, relax kid, we’re just playing along,” his father said to me, breaking the ice for everyone else to laugh at. I felt my boyfriend’s hand on mine, and it was only then that I realized I’ve been holding my breath ever since I entered the car.

His mother knew instinctively that I needed some kind of distraction from the joke and took us to the table. She was eager to start eating, her hands busy arranging the utensils. Background music played softly in the form of an instrumental tune that would fill in wherever there was a gap in our conversation. With all the heavy ceramic bowls being passed around, conversation became a lot easier. We moved away from the stilted introductions like “So, how do you make a living?” to jokes, mostly at my boyfriend’s expense.

The best part of that evening was discovering his “culinary phase” from high school. As far as I understood, one time he decided to boil a big pot of pasta, but forgot the most important ingredient—the water. He simply put the dried spaghetti in the pot and turned the fire on at maximum. And after just a couple of minutes, the room was already filled with thick black smoke, his smoke detector went off, and his neighbors started beating at his front door while holding a fire extinguisher since they considered the building was burning down. Hearing this story, she delivered everything with such an intense enthusiasm, as if describing him with his horrified expression while trying to disperse the smoke with a dishcloth, that it made me giggle uncontrollably.

The more time passed during the night, the less performance there was in our interactions. While having a few slices of freshly baked bread and eating an awesome, yet simple dinner, I found myself no longer watching my body language and word choice. It just happened that way. I sat and watched his father, who enjoyed all the attention he could get, retelling stories using large hand gestures and perfect timing. And then his mother would come in and use her witty remarks to bring him back to reality. The banter between the two was natural and comfortable. They weren’t trying to put one another down or hurt any feelings.

Next, his little sister entered from the kitchen, holding a plate of the messiest, most delicious-looking cobbler she could have made, saying something to the effect of how excited she had been to meet “the girl who had managed to make her brother finally clean his room after years of ignoring it.” Now, normally in situations like this, I would have felt self-conscious and very much on display, but in this moment, it just came easy to me. It almost seemed as though I had known them for months rather than mere hours. There’s just something liberating about not having to try your hardest and just being yourself.

When the dishes were cleared, the night was far from over. No, now came out the real “artillery”: those big photo albums. We sat in the living room going through pages that were covered in plastic and held pictures that we all generally tend to avoid showing our new lovers – like those embarrassing middle-school bowl cuts, birthday cake disasters, and Grand Canyon vacations where the whole family had terrible expressions because the air conditioning in their vehicle failed on the one-hundred-degree day they chose to go on their vacation. While looking at these pictures, it dawned on me that it wasn’t how many people were in the room that made it feel “full” – it was a certain warmth and aggressive openness.

As we turned to make our exit, his father called out to me and grabbed a little brass key chain from the drawer near the front door. “You’re always welcome,” he told me, with an earnestness that was completely unexpected coming from him. As simple as it was, this act struck me with a force far greater than I would have imagined possible. The key itself was meaningless; it was the unspoken acknowledgment of passing an unspoken test. I didn’t just survive dinner; I had proven myself worthy of acceptance into the family.

As we drove back to my place, the atmosphere was one of comfortable silence, broken only by the occasional sound of my fidgeting with the key chain. In those few hours, I had gone from being an anxious mess, fearful of judgment and rejection, to a much calmer, more centered person who felt like she had a place in the world after all.

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Bored Daddy

Love and Peace

arty

10 qualities of a super mom

By

Monica Pop

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Can you define the role of a mother? Well, when you think about it, that’s probably an impossible task and I don’t think the reason why would come as a surprise.

Motherhood is all bout being present day in and day out and placing the needs of their children before their own. This goes beyond love; it is persistence, patience, and showing up even when you are exhausted.

When you meet a mom who appears to “have it all together” despite the chaos at home or at work, trust me, that’s more than just luck.

But let’s get clear, there is no such thing as the “perfect mother,” that’s just a myth. However, there are certainly some tendencies—little quirks and changes in mindset—that enable some moms to feel like they are doing things well and can handle things better. According to psychologists and specialists in the field of family studies, the “supermom” is not a machine, but rather who has figured out how to prioritize, stay flexible, and take care of herself alongside her kids without burning out along the way.

Below are some qualities and habits that really make the difference.

The Art of the Hard “No”: Setting Boundaries Without the Guilt Trip

Among the distinctions that exist between a mother who is constantly teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown and one who is able to move through life with a sense of confidence and peace of mind is the ability to establish strong boundaries. Today’s society often idealizes the image of a martyr-like mother who devotes herself completely to her family and community without considering her own identity and well-being.

After all, we’ve all been there—we feel compelled to answer yes when asked whether we will contribute to a school fundraiser or work an additional shift at the office. As social psychologist Susan Newman explains, however, a life without the word “no” leads only to burnout. Balanced mothers understand that when one says yes to something, they say no to something else—it is impossible to do otherwise. Mothers who set boundaries don’t do so simply because they don’t care about others’ requests; they do so in order to free up time for other, equally important things, such as saying goodnight to their kids, having a cup of coffee, and catching their breaths. According to the research, this practice actually reduces stress.

The Strength of Asking for Help

There exists a heroic belief that a “good” mother is supposed to have superhuman abilities when it comes to taking care of her kids alone. The reality is, however, that such efforts to keep up with such a demanding performance is a recipe for disaster. Researchers who studied the problems associated with parental burnout among working mothers concluded that the lack of assistance was the key factor contributing to emotional exhaustion in parents.

According to child development specialist Genevieve Thiers, some of the best moms out there know where their boundaries lie and are willing to cross them whenever necessary by asking for help. Instead of being seen as a weakness, the ability to seek assistance can be viewed as a smart approach to parenting. Just having a couple of minutes of rest can significantly boost a woman’s mood and patience levels.

Finding the Sweet Spot: Loving yet Firm

It’s a common misconception that you have to choose between being the “fun” parent and the “strict” one. According to parenting expert Sherene McHenry, children need a certain degree of structure and flourish when they know precisely what to expect – as long as such expectations come together with unwavering love. This parenting philosophy can be compared to years of psychological research regarding “authoritative parenting,” regarded as the ideal model for parenting by numerous psychologists. It means providing solid structure and discipline combined with strong support and empathy.

In other words, such mothers are not trying to become their child’s favorite today but rather prepare a responsible adult who will grow up tomorrow. They realize that although children may complain about particular demands today, stable family life and proper discipline are much more beneficial in the future.

Prioritizing the Partnership

t is all too simple for a romance to take a back seat once a new baby enters the picture. But the shrewd mom knows that it takes a solid partnership to establish a healthy environment in her home. The evidence proves time and again that the child benefits from seeing their parents in a true and supportive relationship. What moms don’t always realize is that when you communicate well with your partner, you create security for everyone in your household, according to Dr. Sherene McHenry.

It doesn’t mean that you need to go out on elaborate dates, or even have a perfect marriage without any problems. But it does involve small acts such as a brief exchange in the middle of a hectic day, delegating chores around the house, or taking 20 minutes to sit down and chat when the kids are sleeping.

Building Your Village

Being a mother can be quite lonely despite never really being alone. In order to fight the sense of isolation associated with being a parent, some mothers try to create a “village.” Instead of waiting for community to emerge, they seek one out through different ways, such as seeking wisdom from an elderly neighbor, talking out frustrations with someone in the same “toddler trenches” as them, or mentoring new moms as they begin their own mothering journey.

According to social psychology, making these kinds of connections is essential and literally life-saving, reducing stress hormones and greatly improving mental well-being. With a community of support, one gains the realization that everyone else around them has faced similar hardships before, giving them a boost of confidence and patience. A woman surrounded by peers is one who is capable of decision-making, secure in her support system.

Trusting the Mother’s Intuition

Modern life can be described as being full of information, which every parenting guru and book provides. There will be times when any mother will start questioning her decisions. Nevertheless, successful moms will sooner or later realize the necessity to sort everything out and trust themselves. As mentioned by the success coach Saundra Pelletier, intuition is not a talent but a skill that can only improve if used on a regular basis.

In addition, each child is different with their own peculiarities and requirements, and there is nobody who could understand all the details better than the parent. This idea is supported by science as well because of the notion of “parental attunement.” If a mother uses her natural abilities and adjusts to the needs of the child and their individual needs rather than tries to follow strict instructions, she will achieve a strong emotional connection with the little one.

The “Good Enough” Mom

Perfection is the enemy of joy, especially in parenting. And it’s the moms who learn to embrace the inevitability of making mistakes that are ultimately the happiest mothers. Studies of children’s developmental processes indicate that good enough parenting is superior to perfect parenting since it teaches the kid how to cope with imperfections and setbacks. Rather than dwelling on mistakes and beating themselves up, the happy moms see the silver lining in the situation. They realize that the testing of limits is all a part of the child’s growing process, not a manifestation of their poor parenting skills. The fact that everything will never be perfect and there will always be something to clean up in the house or something else that needs to be done becomes an accepted fact of life that the happy mom has come to terms with.

Focusing on the Big Picture

It’s surprisingly easy to get wrapped up in a tizzy over an untidy living room, a poor exam result, or forgotten duties. But there’s one thing grounded mothers know well: how to keep the bigger picture in mind. As author Kathy Buckworth points out, stepping back from a problem can immediately reduce stress levels within the family by simply asking yourself whether the issue will matter five years from now.

The ability to let such problems go is tremendously powerful, as it gives you a chance to connect emotionally, to laugh together, and to learn something new without getting stressed over it. What matters is choosing relationships over chores; by focusing on the big picture, both parents and their children can become less tense and happier.

The Art of Delegation

Delegation is not just a fancy word thrown around at corporate events; it is a necessity for modern mothers. The balanced mother knows that it is not about being a “super mom.” It is about being a good leader within her home environment. The process may include delegating certain mental tasks to one’s partner, having chores assigned among the children, or even paying someone else to perform them, provided that it does not strain their budget.

By no means can delegation be considered a lack of interest on behalf of the parent; it is rather a way to prepare the next generation for its responsibilities in life. Numerous studies have proven that assigning appropriate chores to children develops their cognitive abilities and increases their sense of responsibility. Thus, by making such an unusual choice, these parents are creating responsible, capable adults.

Making Room for Spontaneity

Amidst all the rigors of school timetables, training sessions, and food preparation, the excitement of being a parent may become overshadowed by practicalities. The mothers who feel the most rejuvenated are those who consciously create “white space” on their calendars for magical moments to occur. They know that while the best memories might not be trips that have been carefully organized ahead of time, they will come from unplanned living-room dance parties, midnight ice-cream outings, or “duvet days” where the whole family watches movies together. According to experts such as Bob Dickson, it is these unplanned and impromptu moments that stick with kids into their adult years. Psychologically speaking, these joyful experiences serve as “emotional glue,” bonding parent and child.

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Bored Daddy

Love and Peace

arty

Donald Trump sparks concerns after sharing chilling post stating ‘the end is near’

By

Monica Pop

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President Donald Trump’s recent post on the social media caused a stir and made many question what could possibly be wrong.

The US continues to be engaged in tensions with Iran after the Strait of Hormuz, through which roughly a fifth of the world’s oil passes, was opened briefly and then shut again as Iran claimed US attacked their ships. At the same time, Trump’s unpredictable activity on social media has sparked debate about his ability to lead. His stance on the conflict appears to shift frequently, alternating between hardline positions and sudden pushes for diplomatic talks.

According to The Wall Street Journal, Trump has been moving back and forth between confrontation and peace efforts, while privately expressing concern over how serious the conflict could become as it continues longer than expected.

His public messaging reflects this uncertainty. Officials say many of his remarks were made on the spot rather than as part of a structured approach. His statement that Iran’s “whole civilization” could be destroyed was improvised, and officials said it does not represent official policy.

However, this could be part of a strategy. According to the report, Trump intentionally acted unpredictably. Senior officials said he aimed to come across as unstable and aggressive to push Iran toward negotiations. At the same time, he closely monitored public response, even asking aides, “How’s it playing?”

Despite this, his frequent and erratic social media posts have caused concern, especially following a recently shared video of Frank Sinatra.

Namely, Trump posted a nearly four-minute video of Frank Sinatra’s live performance of My Way to Truth Social. The lack of context fueled widespread speculation about the message behind the post.

The text to the song reads, “And now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain. My friend, I’ll say it clear, I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain, I’ve lived a life that’s full, I traveled each and every highway, and more, much more than this, I did it my way.”

The song continues, “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption. I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway, and more, much more than this, I did it my way.”

On social media, users questioned Trump’s well-being and speculated about the meaning behind the song he shared. One person asked, “Is he foreshadowing his demise?”

Another wrote, “I’d focus more on ‘I did it my way’ than ‘the end is near.’”

A third added, “It feels like a chilling message. Either the end is near for us or for Donald Trump. Either way, things don’t seem likely to improve anytime soon.”

A fourth user suggested a different interpretation, writing that Trump may be signaling his intention to handle the Iran situation on his own terms, without compromise or outside pressure.

Trump has rarely spoken openly about his health. However, in January, a comment he made about aspirin offered a glimpse into how he views it.

Speaking to The Wall Street Journal, he said, “They say aspirin helps thin the blood, and I don’t want thick blood going through my heart. I want it nice and thin. Does that make sense?”

Well, one thing is certain, President Donald Trump never ceases to amaze the public, don’t you agree?

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Bored Daddy

Love and Peace

arty

A woman was flying from Melbourne to Brisbane

By

Monica Pop

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A woman was flying from Melbourne to Brisbane. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney. The flight crew announced that there would be some delay on the ground and that if any passengers wanted to disembark from the plane, they could. They further stated that there would be about fifty minutes before reboarding would commence.

Passenger after passenger rose to their feet, grabbed their luggage, and exited the plane. After a while, the plane had become almost empty.

The only person who remained seated was a blind woman. The woman sat calmly at her seat, displaying no signs of urgency to leave the plane. There was another passenger who had observed her before and had seen that the guide dog which accompanied her had been sleeping below her seat throughout the journey without making a peep.

After everyone had left the aircraft, the pilot himself walked down the aisle. He stopped beside the woman and greeted her warmly by name which made it obvious the woman had this very flight before.

“Hi Kathy,” he said. “We’re going to be in Sydney for about an hour. Would you like to get off the plane and stretch your legs?”

Kathy smiled and shook her head slightly. “No thank you,” she said. “But maybe Max would like to stretch his legs.”

Now picture the scene at the gate. There were 100 worried passengers who were sipping their expensive lattes and keeping track of time. The doors of the jetway opened up suddenly, revealing the pilot who is wearing his full outfit and his aviator sunglasses which are completely blacked out, being escorted by a Seeing Eye dog.

There was no sound, then the panic began. It was not only that people were running away from the situation, but they had started changing airlines.

Now, here’s another story.

The two friends had been walking for hours, and the smell of garlic and grilled steak wafting from a nearby bistro was becoming impossible to ignore.

His buddy, with the leash of the Chihuahua in his hand, looked at him as if he was crazy. “What are you talking about? See the notice on the glass. This is a five-star bistro; not a dog park. We’ll be thrown out even before entering.”

But the first man smiled. “Watch and learn, my friend. Just follow my lead.”

He dug deep into his pocket and put on his large dark sunglasses. Then he walked erectly, took hold of the Doberman’s harness, and walked to the entrance. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a pair of heavy black sunglasses, and adjusted them over his eyes. He stood up a little straighter, gripped the Doberman’s harness, and tapped his way toward the door.

As they passed through the doorway, a huge bouncer blocked their way. “Hey, hey! Hold it right there, mac! No dogs permitted. We have a professional environment here.”

The man didn’t even flinch. “There must be some confusion,” he stated in a tone that brooked no argument. “I am visually impaired. This is my guide dog.”

The bouncer stared at the Doberman, who was glaring at him with an intimidating stare that could soften steel. “A Doberman Pinscher? I haven’t heard of any Dobermans being used for guidance.”

“It’s a new program,” the man explained with the smoothness of silk. “Not only are they incredibly smart and focused, but they provide a level of personal protection that your average Labrador just can’t offer. It’s about safety and service.”

Seeing that he was no match for the confidence of the man, the bouncer moved out of his way. “Sorry about that, Sir. Enjoy your meal.”

The friend with the Chihuahua was stunned. If he can get a Doberman in there, he thought, this should be a breeze. He threw on his own sunglasses, tucked his tiny dog under his arm, and marched toward the bouncer.

“Sorry, pal,” the bouncer said, already sounding annoyed. “No dogs.”

“You don’t understand,” the man said, mimicking his friend’s serious tone. “I’m blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog.”

The bouncer glanced down at the small shaking animal that was trying to lick its paw. The bouncer stared back at the man. “A Chihuahua? You’re saying that an animal weighing four pounds is your seeing-eye dog?”

The man paused. He could feel the disbelieving stare from the bouncer. He could feel the quietness of the lobby around him. And then he just stared at his own leash before his jaw dropped open and his hands started to shake with sheer terror.

“A Chihuahua?! You’re telling me they gave me a Chihuahua?!”

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Bored Daddy

Love and Peace

arty

Louisiana shooter Shamar Elkins’ chilling remarks before killing his 7 kids and their cousin

By

Monica Pop

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Shamar Elkins, the Army veteran responsible for the death of his seven children and their cousin, confessed before the tragedy that he had struggled with “dark thoughts,” as per The New York Times.

It was just after 6 am on Sunday, April 19, when Shreveport police officers responded to a call regarding a domestic disturbance. Police spokesperson Christopher Bordelon explained that when they arrived at the scene, they encountered a gruesome sight. Seven of Elkins’ children and their cousin were found dead. Most of the victims were shot in the head while they were sleeping, Bordelon explained.

Elkins’ wife is reported to be hospitalized and in serious condition, as she was also shot during the incident, which allegedly took place after Elkins and her had an argument. Elkins’ girlfriend, with whom he shared three of the children he killed, has also been injured when he shot her at a nearby house.

The children who were murdered were three boys and five girls, ages 3 to 11, the Caddo Parish Coroner’s Office said. Police had previously given their ages as about 1 to 14.

Their mothers identified the children as Jayla Elkins, 3; Shayla Elkins, 5; Kayla Pugh, 6; Layla Pugh, 7; Markaydon Pugh, 10; Sariahh Snow, 11; Khedarrion Snow, 6; and Braylon Snow, 5.

“I just don’t know what to say. My heart is just taken aback,” Shreveport Police Chief Wayne Smith told reporters, per NBC News. “I just cannot begin to imagine how such an event can occur.”

State Rep. Tammy Phelps told the Associated Press that some children tried to escape through the back door.

“I can’t even imagine what the police officers, first responders actually dealt with when they got here today,” she said at a news conference.

Elkins was later killed by police during an attempted carjacking. According to a database maintained by the Associated Press in partnership with Northeastern University, the Shreveport shooting was the deadliest mass shooting in the United States since eight people were killed in a Chicago suburb in January 2024.

Just weeks earlier, on Easter Sunday, Elkins called his mother, Mahelia Elkins, and his stepfather, Marcus Jackson, and reportedly told them he was going through severe emotional distress and that his marriage to Shaneiqua Pugh was ending. He said he was consumed by “dark thoughts” and warned his stepfather that some people “don’t come back from their demons.”

“I told him, ‘You can beat stuff, man. I don’t care what you’re going through, you can beat it,’” Jackson told The New York Times. “Then I remember him telling me: ‘Some people don’t come back from their demons.’”

Elkins worked for UPS and served in the Louisiana Army National Guard from August 2013 to August 2020 as a signal support system specialist and fire support specialist, according to The Times.

A colleague at UPS described Elkins as a devoted father, but said he often appeared stressed and would pull his hair out, leaving a noticeable bald spot, the report stated.

Elkins’ mother noted that she reconnected with her son more than a decade ago after previously leaving him to be raised by a family friend, Betty Walker. She gave birth to Elkins as a teenager while struggling with a crack cocaine addiction.

Walker said she did not witness the shootings on Sunday morning but was aware that Elkins had shot his wife multiple times, the paper reported.

She last saw him when his family visited for dinner just last weekend, and said he did not appear unusual or distressed at the time, as per the New York Post.

“I was getting up this morning to make myself some coffee, and I got the call,” Walker recalled. “My babies — my babies are gone.”

Elkins also had two prior convictions, including for driving while intoxicated in 2016 and for the illegal use of weapons in 2019, the outlet said.

In March 2019, a police report stated that the National Guard veteran allegedly pulled a 9mm handgun from his waistband and fired at a vehicle five times after a driver reportedly pointed a handgun at him. One of the bullets was later found near a school where children were playing.

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Bored Daddy

Love and Peace

arty

6 habits that make older women look beautiful

By

Monica Pop

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The idea of beauty is one of those rare things in life that becomes more intriguing as time goes by. When we are young, beauty is a purely biological thing, something that happens because of our genetic makeup and our youthful, smooth skin. But as we age, so does our understanding of beauty. Not only does beauty not disappear; it changes, becoming more complex and profound. It evolves from an aesthetic aspect into a deeper notion.

Many women become elegant in a certain way. They develop an aura of quiet confidence, poise, and charisma that is unique to them and impossible to buy or copy. Their beauty doesn’t come as a result of trendy, costly procedures and treatments, but is the product of habits cultivated over many years.

Instead of seeking perfection, which is an impossible and ultimately tiresome goal by its very definition, it’s more realistic to focus on growth and self-respect.

The following is an analysis of several traits that make up a woman’s natural beauty as she matures, as well as the rationale behind why they work for her mind and body.

The Art of Posture and Intentional Movement

A person’s posture can say more before any hello than their actual words. Body language is perhaps the most primitive means of communication and conveys what the mind truly feels. Standing straight, keeping one’s shoulders relaxed instead of hunched up by the ears, and moving with purpose convey an impression of self-confidence.

Of course, as people age, some deterioration of posture occurs. This can be attributed to the weakening of muscles, decreased bone density, and the effects of years of poor posture, which often develop from sitting too long at a desk or staring at smartphones. However, recent discoveries in the science of “embodied cognition” have shown that posture does not only affect other people’s perception but also influences one’s inner state. When a person stands tall, they do not only “pretend” to be confident—they signal to their brain that they are comfortable and in control of their surroundings.

Women who pay attention to maintaining good posture look more lively and youthful, since they do not seem to “age down” into themselves. A smooth, stable walking pattern, together with an upright posture, helps create a sense of elegance that has nothing to do with what brand name one wears or how professionally one’s make-up is applied.

Radical Consistency in Self-Care

Good skin is not about an elaborate and lengthy nighttime regimen of cutting-edge ingredients. Instead, dermatological studies continually emphasize one simple yet critical truth: consistency wins over complexity. Women who radiate health despite their advanced age are often those who have stopped playing around with each new trend and developed a trustworthy and basic routine.

Skincare for graceful aging can be simplified to the three core steps: cleansing, moisturizing, and protection. In particular, the latter step is proven to be crucial to prevent premature aging of the skin. It is believed that 80% to 90% of visible signs of skin aging, such as wrinkles, dryness, and uneven skin tone, are due to excessive exposure to the sun. For instance, women who apply a daily layer of SPF for twenty years differ noticeably from those who only do so when going to the beach.

The next pillar is moisturization. As you get older, your skin barrier weakens, becoming less effective at retaining lipids and moisture. By hydrating the skin, you support this barrier, which keeps the skin soft, glowing, and more resistant to damage from external factors. It’s not about how expensive the jar is, it’s about consistency. These women care for their skin as an investment, not as an emergency that requires miracle fixes.

Personal Style Over Fleeting Trends

There is a vast difference between being “fashionable” and “having style.” The former dictates what one should wear according to fashion industry standards each month, while the latter is choosing to wear clothes that define one’s identity. In the development of one’s sense of beauty, many ladies experience a significant boost in confidence once they cease trying to fit in with fashion standards tailored to adolescents and begin building an individual aesthetic reflective of who they are now.

It is important to note that this is not about one’s selfish interests but rather a phenomenon known as “enclothed cognition.” The hypothesis posits that the clothing one wears can actually affect their psychology. When women dress themselves up in clothes that suit their body type, make them feel comfortable, and reflect their character.

As women age and become unique in their looks, they usually go for clothing that complements their body and accentuates their facial features rather than concealing their true beauty by wearing clothes that are too big for them or too small. Women who have unique looks usually become experts at color matching. They know what colors bring out the best in them and which colors are just not flattering. The reason why these women choose such a trend is not to attract attention or to be “on trend.” It is all about being true to themselves.

The Softening of Expressions

A smile is arguably one of the most universally appealing features a human being can possess. This feature provides instant appeal and warmth, making all conversations more approachable. However, aside from the socially beneficial aspect, there are physical effects when it comes to using one’s facial expressions consistently.

The face acts as an imprint of the most common emotional responses of a person. Constant tension or frowning can result in a face that has a permanent “hardened” look to it. Alternatively, by practicing keeping the facial expression relaxed, softening the jaw line, brows, and keeping up a friendly disposition, women actually experience aging differently.

It seems there is also an interesting “feedback loop” at play here. According to research, the simple act of smiling, whether or not it is a conscious process as opposed to an involuntary one, tends to cause the brain to produce neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. Thus, by ensuring that they maintain smiles, these ladies ensure that they continue to be happy and in good moods, thereby being more open to interaction and appearing more vibrant overall. While this may be attributed to them having fewer lines on their faces, the reason behind their lack of wrinkles is really that they smile in “happy” places.

Cultivating a “Lively” Mind

As we already mentioned, beauty cannot only be understood on the surface level since it has something to do with the “pilot” of our organism. Curiosity and activity of the mind create that special sparkle in the eyes and that particular zest of speech. We have all known young people who appear old since they did not learn anything new, while people over 80 can look young because they continue being interested in what is happening around them.

The scientific study of cognitive health shows that being actively engaged in thinking and learning (by reading books, learning new languages, communicating with other people, or simply solving puzzles) helps preserve brain flexibility and emotional stability. Mental activity makes our personality livelier.

A positive attitude definitely has a big part to play here too. Although getting older means you will inevitably experience things like loss and change, being able to maintain a positive outlook can help slow down your aging process. Stress has long been shown to accelerate the aging process at a cellular level. When women think about growth, exploration, and gratitude, they have a certain lightness of spirit that makes them more engaging and appealing.

Movement as Self-Care, Not Punishment

Exercise is always advertised as a tool to “fix” our body, yet older ladies who are energetic about aging see exercise as a necessity. Elderly women don’t train to achieve an ideal physical appearance or to compensate for eating certain foods, it simply makes them feel lively.

According to researchers, moderate physical activities are more valuable compared to sporadically performed and intense exercises. Jogging, stretching, yoga, and some exercises contribute to the improvement of blood circulation; therefore, the skin receives oxygen and nutrients that enhance its beauty. Exercise positively affects joint condition and hormone levels, which are vital to sustaining good mood and proper sleep.

Of course, exercise promotes the maintenance of muscle mass. Since our muscles tend to decrease their mass and size when aging (it is called sarcopenia), having at least some muscle mass is important to have an attractive appearance and physical capabilities. In other words, if a woman perceives exercise as self-respect, she will perform her workouts regularly and develop a healthy lifestyle. As a result, one would see that an elderly woman is active and energetic rather than exhausting herself at the gym.

Conclusion

Looking beautiful at any age isn’t about trying to turn back the clock. Looking beautiful at any age isn’t about trying to turn back the clock. It’s about alignment. It’s the sweet spot where how you feel on the inside, how you care for your body, and how you present yourself to the world all match.

What stands out most in women who age gracefully isn’t the absence of wrinkles or a specific dress size. It’s their presence. They seem comfortable in their own skin. They’ve built habits that support their well-being, and over time, those habits become visible in the way they stand, the way they listen, and the energy they bring into a room.

Confidence, consistency, and self-acceptance create a kind of beauty that doesn’t fade, it’s the only kind that actually improves with time. In the end, the most powerful transformation doesn’t come from a product; it comes from the quiet realization that taking care of yourself is one of the most meaningful things you can do.

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Love and Peace

arty

Setting healthy boundaries in relationships after 70

By

Monica Pop

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It is interesting how the environment tends to become quiet around us as we get older; however, inside our heads there will be an awful lot of noise going on. Once you reach the age of 70, you do not necessarily reminisce about those “good old days”; instead, you analyze your current state of affairs using a magnifying glass. You finally find yourself capable of making sense out of things – the fog disappears and everything becomes crystal clear. You know what you’ve accomplished and what you have been through; therefore, no one has the right to ask you to perform or carry a burden of any sort.

Many of us followed the “rules of should” for decades. We should remain good friends with a person because we’ve known each other since the Nixon era. We should not cause a rift in the family because family comes first. Also, we should oblige our neighbor whenever they call because they need help because it is the polite thing to do. However, at 70, you begin to realize that peace is more than just an idea, it becomes a necessity. You start to realize that to achieve peace, you might need to free yourself from certain ties.

This is neither an act of becoming a bitter old person nor a grump. On the contrary, it is an act of self-respect. It is a conscious decision that life is too valuable to spend around people who make you feel worthless.

The Constant Critics

We’ve all met those people with an innate talent for delivering backhanded compliments. You tell them about something you accomplished, and their response will always be something like “Oh, yeah… but…” You choose something for yourself, and they raise an eyebrow, “Well, if you want it that way…”

At thirty or forty, you may feel like having enough energy to debate with them or persuade them. By seventy, this dance just gets too tiring. Life has taught you things; you know what is best for you, what you have won, and what you have lost in the process. To continue listening to a person who looks down upon you after such a long life of experience is pointless.

There’s plenty of psychological research that says chronic criticism wears us down, but you don’t need a study to tell you that. Your body will tell you when the situation gets too much, you feel it in your shoulders. Today, your mental well-being is no less important than your blood pressure. If being around certain people always feels like you’re on trial to get their stamp of approval, then it’s probably high time you stopped inviting them around.

The People Who Drain You of All Energy

And then, there are what we may refer to as “energy vampires.” I’m sure all of us have one in our circles of friends. We see their name flashing on our cell phones, and we find ourselves exhaling a deep breath just thinking about engaging in conversation with them because all they wish to talk about is their problems, pains, and grudges against life.

Of course, we all like to support our loved ones in times of need. But the problem here is distinguishing between someone having a difficult phase in life and someone whose entire personality revolves around misery. Once you’ve spent two hours listening to someone complain, you can never really make up for that lost time.

The older we become, we find ourselves noticing that the time it takes to be energized again is longer than it used to be before. When we know that we have a limited number of good hours during the day, would you sacrifice three hours of it for a person who hasn’t even bothered to check up on how you’re doing? It’s alright not to take part in everything. It’s alright not to affect your mood by others.

The “One-Way Street” Relationships

This is a harsh truth to come to terms with. You find yourself looking back on a relationship and thinking, “if I stopped being the person making plans, taking care of transportation, and reaching out, this relationship would simply fizzle out.”

Our reluctance to abandon such relationships has much to do with the history behind it. “But we have been best friends since the 70s.” However, the past should not dictate our current choices. If you find yourself having invested a lot more into your relationship than your friend, you must question the reasons behind it.

Healthy friendships don’t need to be perfectly balanced every day, but eventually there must be a give-and-take aspect to it.

The Family Trap

Family is by far the most difficult element of this entire puzzle. There are so many “shoulds” around family: I should call. I should visit. I should suffer through poor treatment because, after all, they’re “family.”

Here’s some tough love, however: Respect doesn’t offer any family discounts. If your sister or cousin disrespects your thoughts, belittles you, or disregards your boundaries, it’s even more painful than if she were a stranger. It doesn’t matter how similar you may look or sound; if your family is making you miserable, it doesn’t matter if you have the same surname.

You aren’t obligated to excommunicate family members, but there’s nothing wrong with redefining your terms of service. You can decide not to discuss politics, religion, or other subjects; you can set boundaries that limit the amount of time you spend with family. Taking care of yourself around your relatives is not “betraying” your family—it’s growing up.

The Ghost of the Person You Once Were

There are certain people who have a fascination with the “old” you. They are interested in discussing the failures that occurred in your thirties or what you used to be like before you got wiser. This keeps you firmly rooted in something that you left behind long ago.

It is nice to look back sometimes but it is also draining being around a person who cannot see beyond what you used to be like. You have grown. You are different in many ways, having become softer in some respects and harder in others. How can you enjoy today when the people around you keep reminding you of your past?

The people who are worth having around are those who are interested in the person you currently are and not who you once were decades ago.

The “Crowded Loneliness”

Then, we have the lonely relationship – the one you have absolutely nothing in common with anymore. Here, you simply sit there, surrounded by a thick silence because you know you have absolutely nothing more to say to each other.

There’s a particular kind of loneliness that occurs when you find yourself around the wrong kind of people; it is lonelier even than solitude. The reason why so many do not want to leave such empty relationships is due to the fear of a “void,” but the void is almost always better than the illusion of an “us.”

The Relentless Conflict-Seeker

There are some individuals who only feel truly alive when there is some sort of firefighting to do or when there is some sort of disagreement. It is all too easy for these individuals to make everything a debate and to turn even the smallest problem into something more serious.

When you are thirty, you have enough energy to deal with these kinds of situations. When you are seventy, you simply tune them out. Most things that cause arguments are really not worth getting worked up about at the end of the day. When you find yourself being dragged into some conflict, whether it’s personal or at the dinner table on Sundays, these people are actively taking away your peace.

Why Selectivity is the Greatest Gift of Ageing

There is even a psychological theory for this, called Socioemotional Selectivity Theory. Essentially, as young people, we seek “information” and “possibilities,” and we talk to everybody. However, as we age and recognize that our days are numbered, we prioritize “emotional meaning.”

We no longer seek to build a “network” but seek to create a “haven.”

This does not indicate that you are becoming “cantankerous” or “reclusive.” On the contrary, it reflects a sense of purposefulness. In essence, it is the equivalent of decluttering your home from an emotional standpoint. You are evaluating every single relationship and asking yourself, “Does it bring me happiness?” If the response is “No, it actually gives me a headache,” you have every justification to discard it.

Conclusion

Moving away from relationships after the age of 70 does not require any elaborate farewell speeches. There is no need for sending a resignation letter. The process typically involves a gradual fade-out rather than an abrupt cut-off. This involves the decision to stop calling and texting, apologizing for things one did not do, and making appearances for people who would not do anything similar for them.

It’s all about recognition. One recognizes their independence and realizes that they cannot exist as someone else’s whipping post, personal psychologist, or reserve force.

Once you get rid of the “wrong” individuals, you will finally have enough strength to breathe and enjoy some quality time with those who genuinely make you smile, listen to you, and give you their attention. Isn’t that what you deserve after living through seventy years?

Caring for your own inner peace does not amount to rejection but self-care. It may very well be one of the most important steps you take at this stage of your life.

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Bored Daddy

Love and Peace

arty

Expert shares insight into Melania Trump’s beauty routine

By

Monica Pop

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Considered one of the most beautiful women, Melania Trump’s beauty routine is something many are eager to get an insight into as questions about whether she has undergone surgical procedures over the years remain a hot topic.

Melania, who is of Slovenian descent, worked as a model in her youth. She has always described her childhood as a happy one, thanking her parents for everything they’ve ever done for her and her sister.

Melania was 16 when she caught the attention of fashion photographer Stane Jerko. He first spotted her leaning on a fence while leaving a fashion show at the Festival Hall.

“By the staircase at the entrance, I saw this girl,” Jerko recalled. “She was tall, slim, with long hair. I told her who I was, what I did, and why I would photograph her.”

It was back in 1987 when young Melania decided to drop out of the University of Ljubljana and focus on modeling instead. It took her only a year to get a contract with a modeling agency in Milan.

Once in Milan, Melania focused on her goal of making a name for herself and went home after work instead of partying.

“She kept to herself, she was a loner. After a shoot or a catwalk, she went home, not out. She didn’t want to waste time partying,” Jerko said.

Eventually, Melania met famous Italian businessman Paolo Zampolli, who helped her get a work visa to the U.S.

Even today, the first lady is praised for her impeccable looks. Experts, however, believe her looks is due to botox, fillers, and even plastic surgeries.

“Her face has a stony look from being overfilled and over-botoxed,” Dr. Franklin Rose told The Skincare Edit.

“Melania’s forehead is as smooth as a baby’s rear end, so she’s had liberal amounts of Botox for sure. Her cheeks, along with the nasolabial lines between the nose and corners of the mouth, likely have fillers. [Her rhinoplasty] is a beautiful job. Whoever is treating her now is just a little overzealous with the injectables.”

The FLOTUS, however, denied these rumors. Speaking with GQ in 2016, she also denied having undergone a breast augmentation.

“I didn’t make any changes,” Melania said. “A lot of people say I am using all the procedures for my face. I didn’t do anything. I live a healthy life, I take care of my skin and my body. I’m against Botox, I’m against injections; I think it’s damaging your face, damaging your nerves. It’s all me. I will age gracefully, as my mom does.”

Nicole Bryl, a makeup artist, shared an insight into Melania Trump’s beauty routine.

Bryl spoke to Women’s Wear Daily and revealed some of the tricks she used when styling the First Lady.

“I certainly spend the most amount of time on my client’s skin. Ensuring that there is always a gentle, flawless glow and that everything is blended perfectly is a skill I never tire of perfecting. I would also say I have a gift for customizing individual eyelashes quickly,” she said.

Sharing her beauty regimen, Melania said in 2012, “I take vitamins and use a moisturizer that’s an oxygen cream. Everything is natural. It’s A, C, and E, and I mix them together. It’s so important to care for your skin — inside and out from morning to night (especially in the night!). You need to take makeup off and moisturize!”

Celebrity makeup artist Philippa Louise reveals what to do in order to accomplish Melania’s looks.

“When you reach your 50s, makeup should be paired back and the rules in makeup application should not be broken if you want to look effortlessly chic. Makeup should empower, not overpower you,” Louise told Hello! Magazine.

“There’s nothing worse than looking at a complexion and seeing makeup caked on, which then emphasises the wrong areas and thus ages you. For anyone over 50 such as Melania, you can get away with a slightly heavier look for a big event, as long as it is applied in the correct way and the right products are used. Melania’s style is elegant, chic and sophisticated, and I think her makeup compliments this beautifully as her makeup artist clearly uses the correct products suited to her own skin.”

WASHINGTON, DC – SEPTEMBER 03: First Lady Melania Trump attends an event to mark National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month in the East Room of the White House on September 3, 2020 in Washington, DC. The First Lady hosted a round table event with people who are recovering from substance use and mental health issues. (Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images)

She also explained that after a certain age, the rule that “less is more” applies.

Amish Patel, an Aesthetics Practitioner and Skincare Expert at Intrigue Cosmetic Clinic, it is evident that Melania Trump takes great care of herself, which contributes to her looks.

“Melania also clearly looks after herself, which is a significant factor in the ageing process. A healthy diet full of vitamins and antioxidants, drinking plenty of water, avoiding too much sugar or alcohol, and getting enough sleep play a role,” Patel said.

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Love and Peace

arty

Couples urged to take caution over Trump’s $2,000 pledge

By

Monica Pop

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Concerns are being raised about Donald Trump’s proposed “tariff dividend” plan and how it could affect households, particularly married couples.

President Trump has put forward the concept of the “tariff dividend” which involves redistributing funds earned from taxing imports to Americans in the form of financial aid. This has been presented as a means of counteracting increased costs associated with tariffs as well as providing monetary benefits directly to citizens.

In November 2025, he wrote: “People that are against Tariffs are FOOLS! We are now the richest, most respected country in the world. A dividend of at least $2,000 a person (excluding high-income individuals!) will be paid to everyone.” He later added that any remaining funds, after payments are distributed, could be used to reduce the national debt.

This concept emerges amid an increasing debate over the impact of tariffs on ordinary people. According to calculations by the US Congress Joint Economic Committee (JEC) and the Tax Foundation, reported by Poynter, US citizens incurred an estimated $1,745 per household in extra costs from January 2025 to January 2026. This implies that the total financial burden on individuals reached approximately $231 billion.

Despite earlier political messaging, the timeline for actual payments remains unclear. When questioned in early 2026, Trump appeared uncertain about previous statements, though he later suggested that disbursements could occur ‘toward the end of the year,’ contingent on available tariff revenue.

Simultaneously, major questions persist regarding the system’s practical implementation. A primary uncertainty is eligibility—specifically who would qualify and the metrics used to measure household income. Preliminary discussions suggest that individuals earning under $75,000 annually could be included, while married couples filing jointly might face a combined threshold near $150,000, mirroring the structure of past federal stimulus programs.

This issue is particularly relevant for married couples, as their aggregate household income can drastically shift their status from a maximum payout to zero eligibility. Significant debate continues regarding how to fairly categorize recipients, especially concerning variations in income sources and the number of dependents.

Furthermore, the logistical execution remains a hurdle. Experts have noted that there is still no concrete process for disbursement, nor is there an official consensus on the delivery method—whether via direct deposit, paper checks, or refundable tax credits.

Economists have also highlighted significant fiscal concerns regarding the proposed policy. The total cost of providing $2,000 rebates to eligible recipients could potentially exceed the total tariff revenue collected during the same period. Furthermore, while the policy may offer some financial relief, it is unlikely to fully offset the broad price increases triggered by the tariffs on imported goods.

Proponents of the initiative argue that the dividend allows Americans to recoup costs incurred from rising prices on everyday items like food, clothing, and electronics. Conversely, critics contend that a more effective approach to lowering consumer expenses would be to modify or reduce the tariffs themselves, rather than issuing rebate checks.

Timing remains another issue. While initial discussions suggested that payments would start in mid-2026, it later became clear that disbursements may occur later in the year, or even after that, based on various legal, administrative, and economic factors. Legal challenges regarding tariff powers may also affect the decision-making process itself.

Moreover, analysts point out that there have been several inconsistencies concerning the communication regarding the proposal. This has created uncertainty as far as how to categorize the measure. Will it be a one-time payment scheme or a permanent program?

As of now, the plan is still under discussion within the realms of economics and politics, although certain elements such as eligibility criteria, amounts payable, delivery channels, and approvals have not yet been finalized. In light of the above, families are encouraged to refrain from drawing any conclusions regarding any proposed payments.

In summary, the tariff dividend proposal exists at the nexus of trade policy and consumer aid, seeking to find the middle ground between economic planning and household assistance. Nevertheless, until concrete plans are put in place, the effectiveness of the proposal will remain unclear.

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Love and Peace

arty

10 subtle signs people show when they don’t like you (but won’t say it outright)

By

Monica Pop

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Social interactions are never as simple as we would hope them to be. It is rare for an individual to tell you directly what they think about you, particularly if their sentiments towards you are not entirely favorable. Rather than coming right out and saying what they mean, people tend to rely heavily on hints, slight changes in tone, or physical signs to indicate that they do not approve of the social interaction. As hard as someone might try, subconscious signals will almost always betray their true intentions. Psychological studies have found that these signals tend to be subconscious in nature; individuals hardly ever realize that they are giving away their intentions.

Their smile doesn’t reach their eyes

The most obvious clue is an unusual smile. At first glance, it may appear like nothing is out of the ordinary—there is the expected cheerful greeting when you enter the room and proper words used in conversation. However, when someone truly welcomes your company, you notice much more than mere smiling. For example, their face should be soft as opposed to stiff and there should be signs of the genuine smile crinkling the eyes.

A fake smile, on the other hand, is strictly limited to one’s mouth. In most cases, it appears quite tense, ends abruptly, or is slightly crooked. Of course, you may not sit and contemplate its validity right away, but your “gut feeling” will tell you that something is amiss. And if this same blank look keeps coming up, there is a very good chance that this person is not as friendly as they claim to be.

Their feet point away from you

Non-verbal cues can be more telling than verbal communication since they require no thought process. Strangely enough, the feet are some of the most accurate indicators of truth. While we concentrate on creating an agreeable facial expression or hand gestures, our feet tend to point exactly where we actually want to go.

When a person is fully engaged in communication, their entire body, including the feet, tends to align with your body position. But when their toes are pointed at the exit or another individual, it means they have already mentally left the place. This doesn’t necessarily imply disinterest in you, but it usually means boredom or an unconscious intention to leave.

They don’t mirror your body language

When we click with someone, we tend to mimic them. This behavior, known as mirroring, can include matching posture, copying body movements, and even adopting similar speech patterns. Without realizing it, we send the message, “I’m on the same wavelength as you.”

When a person doesn’t mirror you but instead reflects everyone else’s behavior, it may suggest there isn’t the same emotional connection between you. For example, you might lean forward to share something, while they remain stiff or even pull back. You may appear relaxed and open, while they stay guarded and reserved. These differences can create a sense of distance, as if there’s an invisible wall between you.

That said, it’s important not to overanalyze a single moment. Factors like anxiety, stress, or a bad mood can influence body language, so patterns over time matter far more than one isolated interaction.

They give one-word answers

The flow of a conversation is an indication of how much that person appreciates being with you. When someone enjoys your company, they are very curious about you and will ask questions to understand you better.

When you find yourself asking for more details from a person whose answers are always “yeah,” “cool,” or just “okay,” then something is off. It is fine to use short responses sometimes, but when it gets to the point where the other person does not want to elaborate on their thoughts, it often signals a lack of interest or effort.

They interrupt you frequently

The constant interruption could be a sign that your friend doesn’t respect you. Whereas friendly conversations involve some level of overlapping, constant or dismissive interruptions may signal an unhealthy relationship. If your friend constantly interrupts you, there’s little doubt that they care more about their own opinion than yours.

As a result, you become insignificant or even irrelevant. You get into an odd position in which your views are second-best. True friends allow others space to speak. They listen to you when you have something to say.

They give backhanded compliments

Negativity often hides behind “politeness,” and backhanded compliments are the perfect tool for that. These are the comments that sound like praise until you actually think about them for two seconds.

These may be statements that seem flattering at first glance but still leave you feeling somehow bad inside. These types of insults can gradually undermine your self-confidence. Even though the speaker believes that he is being rather sophisticated and sly, it always looks like passive-aggressiveness. A proper compliment should be explicit and flattering without any doubts.

They won’t spend time with you

We’re all busy, but “busyness” can be a state of priorities. If someone is perpetually “swamped,” continually rescheduling, and not remembering to look at their schedule, that person is letting you know where you stand.

Those who really care will make the time, even just for a cup of coffee or for a text. When it’s consistently one-sided, there’s your answer. Sometimes a cancellation happens to us all, but never following through is a deliberate choice.

They slowly fade out or ghost you

In the digital age, people rarely “break up” with friends or acquaintances; they just fade. It starts with slower replies and vague “we should hang soon” texts that never turn into plans. Eventually, the silence just takes over.

Why is ghosting so irritating? It’s all about closure. Rather than telling you how they really feel, they simply go away. Even though it can be hard not to feel offended, the fact that they have trouble dealing with awkward talks says much more about them than you.

They only engage in group settings

Have you ever seen people who seem lively in a group yet become stone-cold once it is just the two of you? This can be a sign that their affability is more of an act, performed in front of others.

The presence of other people can make someone feel pressured to appear socially acceptable. However, one-on-one situations can reveal how they behave when there is no audience. If someone avoids being alone with you or becomes quiet as soon as the group leaves the room, then the relationship may not be as deep as it appears during social events.

They criticize you frequently

A vast difference exists between receiving some constructive advice from a friend versus someone who simply criticizes you. The difference is that constructive advice focuses on helping you, while criticism focuses on bringing you down.

When you have a person who is constantly criticizing you or labeling you with “always” or “never” statements regarding your character, there’s nothing constructive going on. Those who actually care about you will talk to you with the respect you deserve and focus on resolving issues.

Conclusion

While these signs can be valuable information, it is necessary not to overanalyze each action or become a kind of “social investigator” seeking meaning in everything the person does. As you know, human nature is intricate, and we do not always behave in an absolutely consistent and calculated manner. For instance, when a person moves their legs toward the door, it may simply reflect their need to get up and leave. A short answer, lack of eye contact, or a cool tone of voice can stem from fatigue, stress, or just a bad day.

This brings us to the importance of context. It means that one moment of awkwardness or a change in behavior cannot define the overall course of communication between two people. There are certain moments when our mood fluctuates, and we simply do not feel like speaking.

The key thing here is repetition. If you notice that a person is occasionally unusual in their behavior, that is natural. But if they consistently show disinterest, avoid communication, or behave differently with you compared to others, then there may be something worth considering.

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Bored Daddy

Love and Peace

arty

Which dress reflects who you are? Find out your personality type

By

Monica Pop

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Fashion has never been simply a matter of dressing up in the morning. Before we even start to speak and utter the first “hello,” our choice of clothing is already doing the work for us. Our clothes reflect all that we are, or all that we feel like at the moment. This uncanny ability to mirror our mood, our level of confidence, our odd quirks, and our place in the world tells us more about fashion than any other feature could. And most of the time, we don’t even notice it.

Give it some thought for a moment—what makes you choose that particular sweater whenever you’re under pressure? What is it about one dress that makes you feel like you can dominate an entire boardroom while the other, which costs the same, leaves you feeling as though you’re dressed up as someone else entirely? The answer usually lies far beyond simple aesthetic preferences. It’s all about your own unique identity.

That’s how style works its magic. It’s very personal, but at the same time, it’s probably the most public way we have of expressing ourselves. You never have to verbally justify yourself because your clothing choices say everything for you. Now, here’s a little exercise we could try out—nothing too complicated, simply a self-analysis that often reveals surprising truths about us.

Imagine six black dresses lined up in front of you. Don’t overthink the “rules” of fashion or what’s currently trending on social media. Just go with your immediate, raw instinct. Which one do you grab? Which one can you actually see yourself living your life in? Your answer might reveal a lot more about your inner world than you’d think.

Dress 1 – The Romantic Dreamer

If the first dress attracted you, then you must be a person who moves gracefully through life. You care deeply about forming profound connections rather than engaging in superficial conversations. You are very observant; you pay attention to the details around you such as how light fills a room at 4 PM and how your friend’s voice sounds when he or she is happy.

One thing about you that people love is that you possess a high degree of emotional intelligence and therefore are a natural safe haven to many because people turn to you for comfort and understanding and not logic and answers. You see beauty in things most people miss such as a badly written letter or enjoying coffee in peace while watching a sunset unnoticed by everyone else.

Your style embodies this energy. You don’t have to be the most talkative person in the room for people to take notice, because you make an impression without even trying. You are genuine in a sea of carefully constructed characters, opting for sincerity and deliberate action over acting. You know that the world isn’t always gentle, so you choose to be one yourself.

Dress 2 – The Confident Non-Conformist

If you go for this type of dress, then odds are that you got your “I don’t give a damn what people think” attitude at a younger age than most. You’ve figured out that fitting in can be quite the demanding job without any pay off in sight. As such, you just don’t really bother. Instead, you’re much more interested in being yourself, even when it requires you to go about your business all alone at social gatherings. There’s a solid sense of confidence about you which has no use for virtual likes or followers.

You’re not here to make any sort of statement with your clothing choices – you’re simply past caring about anything and everything which seems superficial and pointless. Most likely, you’ve got a barrier when meeting new people since you’d much prefer two close friends over having fifty acquaintances. In that regard, your fashion choice is a clear representation of that very attitude. No matter how odd or unique something might be, you’re happy wearing whatever suits your taste.

Dress 3 – The Elegant Professional

This is the dress you choose if you always have your passport handy and in full view. Something about neatness and a blank page appeals to you. It’s not that you’re a control freak; more that you’ve figured out that it’s easier to live a less chaotic life if you’re not stumbling around both physically and emotionally. You’re the rock of your little clique; the one everyone turns to for stability and action.

You’re happiest when you see your destination clearly in front of you. You’re the type of person that comes to the party, does his or her part without needing a gold star for every accomplishment. The reason for your self-assured demeanor? You know you’re qualified and capable. Your aesthetic is purposeful, much like your meticulously organized Google calendar. You appreciate lines that are straight and functional garments. This is because you understand that elegance can be achieved only through preparation. When you dress, you’re not preparing for an outfit for a single day; you’re dressing for the future.

Dress 4 – The Classic Traditionalist

In case you chose dress number four, you are the one who still goes to bookstores and calls people on their birthday phone calls. You value things that have lasting power, and you do not easily believe statements like “that’s going to be the next big thing”. You prefer familiar things not out of fear of change but because they are already perfect.

People usually respect you for your consistency because what you say is what you mean. You do not hide your feelings behind false smiles, and you are the rock for all the people around you. Traditions matter to you, which is why you can provide a sense of stability for other people. You wear timeless clothes; you are not bothered about what other people think of your choice. You will never buy something that will be out of fashion next season; you simply do not need anything new.

Dress 5 – The Artist

If the fifth dress was the one you chose, then it seems that you have forty tabs opened in your browser every single day. This means you have a colorful imagination and a very quirky perception of the world around you. The little details, which others would not even pay attention to, such as the texture of the crumbling brick or how “awful” two clashing colors work in harmony, capture your attention, which comes from a curiosity, making you question everything you encounter.

Your life resembles the sandbox where you get to build your own little worlds without any limits. Your desire to explore and experiment makes the thought of following some “uniform” routine really frustrating for you. Although you tend to go for a rather conservative look, there is always something strange about your clothing choices, such as a vintage brooch, odd socks or mismatched shoes, which makes them uniquely yours. You are a story-telling person, so your wardrobe becomes your medium of communication with others.

Dress 6 – The Assertive Leader

Do you recognize yourself as the choice you would instantly make? Most likely, you are unable to sit still comfortably. This is because you are the one that gets the things done while everyone else is just pondering how it could be accomplished. You have an innate sense of leadership, which causes others to rely on you in crucial situations due to your confidence that you can handle whatever is going on. You might not actively seek attention, yet you receive it because of your clear vision and strong will.

You are goal-oriented and quite unstoppable. If you have made up your mind, nothing will stop you from achieving your purpose quickly. In addition, you are capable of tolerating a lot of stress and choosing the most effective way out of any situation. Your personality and attitude towards fashion are also quite assertive and straightforward. You do not use clothes as an instrument to become invisible but rather as a means of emphasizing the space you occupy. Therefore, your outfits must always feature sharp tailoring and unusual cuts to attract attention.

Conclsuion

Ultimately, this isn’t about fitting you into a convenient box. Human beings are complex creatures, and one dress won’t summarize an individual’s whole life history. You may have gone through all of this and realized that “I am somewhat like Dress 1, but I also have the integrity of Dress 6.” This is perfectly normal since human beings have many sides to their personalities.

This task underscores the truth that our selections often reflect how we feel on the inside. Your selection wasn’t about the style or materials; rather, it was more about your preference, comfort level, and the image of yourself that you want to portray to others. Your selection tells you a lot about your feelings of comfort.

There is not one “perfect” choice here. Each individual and her personality have their own distinctive kind of beauty. The real issue isn’t what kind of gown she wears, but that she feels like herself when wearing it.

This doesn’t happen by following all of the rules. Confidence only comes when one stops putting on an act and wears what feels right.

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arty

Melania Trump makes surprise connection between AI and children

By

Monica Pop

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That Melania Trump’s life revolves around her son Barron isn’t anything new. In fact, the first thing that comes to mind when her name pops up is that of a devoted mother.

From the moment he was born, she was the one taking care of him, no nannies and no particular help from her husband who was busy doing business.

Over the years, she showed she has been very protective of her son whom she tried to keep out of the spotlight. Barron, just like his mother, tends to keep his life private as much as possible.

When she appeared on Fox News in October, Melania said that as a mother, you should “lead with love and take a child as individual. She added that you should “be cautious and be very loving,” and that speaks volumes of her efforts as a mom.

Speaking of what Barron was like as a child, Melania spoke to Parenting, as quoted by Metro, and said: “In his space, the décor style of the rest of our home is mixed with what he is into: planes and helicopters.

“We let him be creative; let his imagination fly and do whatever he wants. Whatever he wants to do with his own room later on, he can do it. Whatever he wants to do with his own room he can do it. He draws on the walls, we can paint it over.

“When he was smaller, he started drawing on the walls,” she added. “His imagination is growing and important. He draws on the walls in his playroom, we can paint it over. One day he was playing bakery and he wrote ‘Barron’s Bakery’ on the wall with crayons. He is very creative, if you say to a child ‘no, no, no,’ where does the creativity go?”

Like her or hate her, Melania Trump has done an extraordinary job raising her son in a public environment.

When Melania and her husband moved into the White House for the second time, she made sure this time things would be different.

“I will be in the White House. And you know when I need to be in New York, I will be in New York. When I need to be in Palm Beach, I will be in Palm Beach. But my first priority is, you know, to be a mom, to be a first lady, to be a wife. And once we are in on January 20, you serve the country,” Melania told Fox News.

Indeed, she stayed out of the spotlight for large parts of the first months after her husband was reelected. In early May, the New York Times shared that in the first 108 days, Melania had spent less than 14 of them at the White House.

At the White House this time around, Mr. Trump has taken to performing some duties that typically would fall to a first lady. She’s not the one carefully selecting light fixtures for the White House residence, redesigning the Rose Garden, greeting tour groups in the East Wing, or hosting receptions for Women’s History Month. He is,” the newspaper wrote.

Historian and first lady expert, Katherine Jellison, told the New York Times: “We haven’t seen such a low-profile first lady since Bess Truman, and that’s going way back in living human memory, nearly 80 years ago.”

According to reports, however, Melania seems to have developed an active political role in the administration of her husband recently. While Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin had a meeting in Alaska, Melania Trump reportedly handed a letter to the Russian leader. The letter, labeled a plea for peace, asked Putin to think about the consequences of the war on the lives of children in Ukraine and Russia.

“Mr. Putin, you can singlehandedly restore their melodic laughter,” Melania Trump wrote. “In protecting the innocence of these children, you will do more than serve Russia alone—you serve humanity itself.

“Such a bold idea transcends all human division, and you, Mr. Putin, are fit to implement this vision with a stroke of the pen today,” she added. “It is time.”

Donald Trump publicly shared the letter from his wife, who has been widely applauded for her role. While they’re often viewed as a strong team, insiders told the Daily Mail that her recent moves have sparked conversations in the White House, hinting at a changing power dynamic.

“Behind closed doors, Trump has, for decades, regarded his wife as a top confidante and counsellor,” Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s 2016 campaign manager and senior counselor, told the Daily Mail.

“Whether as an international business mogul, or TV star, or leader of the free world, it is Melania’s opinion that he has consistently sought.”

Other sources also claim that Melania is stepping in.

“It’s certainly the talk of the White House. It makes you wonder: what’s changed behind closed doors? Are we witnessing a breaking of ranks?” the source told the paper.

Melania Trump’s first portrait as a First Lady taken in 2017/ White House / Régine Mahaux

Recently, Melania Trump has focused much of her attention on her Be Best initiative, which promotes online safety for children. On Thursday, September 4, she led a meeting of the White House Task Force on Artificial Intelligence Education, where she spoke about how parents can guide their children in using AI responsibly.

During the discussion, she drew an unexpected comparison between artificial intelligence and children.

“The robots are here. Our future is no longer science fiction,” Melania said. “As leaders and parents, we must manage AI’s growth responsibly. During this primitive stage, it is our duty to treat AI as we would our own children: empowering, but with watchful guidance.

“We are living in a moment of wonder,” Melania concluded.

“And it is our responsibility to prepare the children of America.”

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Barron Trump announces unexpected new career move

By

Monica Pop

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Barron Trump, the youngest of Donald Trump’s children, was speculated to be entering politics for quite some time, but it turns out he chose a different career.

Namely, the young Trump is one of the five co-founders and directors of Sollos Yerba Mate Inc., which is a newly formed company in the beverage industry, as reported by The Mirror.

Sollos Yerba Mate Inc. is developing a brand of beverages that include yerba mate, which is the most consumed drink in South America and consists of dried leaves and branches of the Ilex paraguariensis plant. The taste of this drink is slightly bitter but it contains high levels of caffeine; thus, it is considered to be a healthier substitute to coffee. Moreover, it is claimed that yerba mate contains higher caffeine levels compared to matcha. During the last few years, it has become increasingly popular in the United States.

Sollos, which is headquartered in Florida, is currently generating buzz for their upcoming release. Recently, the company announced the release through their LinkedIn account, posting promotional videos, such as an image of the drink cans creatively arranged on a surfboard, further emphasizing the casual brand. The startup has announced that the first flavor combo will be pineapple and coconut in the 12-pack. This product is set for release in May 2026, and will be marketed as a summertime beverage associated with a simple, outdoorsy way of life.

According to documents filed by the company and mentioned by sources like the Daily Mail, Barron has been officially named as one of the five directors in the company. The startup itself has been registered in both the state of Florida and the state of Delaware, which is often used by startups to gain maximum benefit and have the opportunity to attract investments. Sollos reportedly already managed to attract $1 million from private investors even without releasing its first product yet.

The company positions itself as a lifestyle-oriented drinks company with an emphasis on functional ingredients that are free of contaminants. In its communications, Sollos associates itself with the culture of South Florida and the year-round outdoor life. According to one of the descriptions of the company on LinkedIn, the idea behind its branding came from being brought up in a warm environment where outdoor pursuits were part of the daily routine. The name “Sollos” has an associated symbolism related to the sun; for example, SOL denotes the morning sun and a beginning, while LOS denotes the evening sun and an ending.

Apart from its marketing strategy, it is worth noting that Sollos has employed a unique method of product development, whereby it has decided to start off by introducing one perfected recipe rather than several varieties at the same time. As was revealed in interviews granted to news agencies, the beverage startup has chosen to put in all its effort in perfecting one type of drink as opposed to developing various types like many beverage startups.

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A post shared by SOLLOS (@sollos)

It is pertinent to note that the drink in question has come at a time when there is a growing demand for natural sources of energy among beverages in the beverage market. Indeed, the use of yerba mate has been gaining popularity in the U.S. owing to its similarities with coffee in terms of stimulation effects despite being more natural or plant-based.

As per reports, Barron Trump, who is currently enrolled at New York University, has been actively involved in creating business plans for the past one year and has worked with his co-founders to develop the vision of the company. He is also believed to have utilized his study period to engage himself in entrepreneurial endeavors and partner with individuals from his personal connections. Several co-founders who hail from Palm Beach and Oxbridge Academy are also reported to be on leave from their educational institutions to concentrate entirely on their firm, whereas Barron still juggles between academics and entrepreneurship.

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A post shared by SOLLOS (@sollos)

The venture itself is in line with other examples of family-based entrepreneurs, where the brand name can help create visibility initially. Though it is unclear how much of the actual business operations Barron takes part in, it is evident that his connection to the firm has attracted significant attention because of his family reputation.

With the planned launch of the brand in 2026, it will not be known how well Sollos will be able to compete in what has become a very competitive beverages market environment. That said, with financial backing already secured, along with a strong branding strategy and growing public interest, Sollos hopes to become a leading beverage brand for today’s lifestyle-oriented consumer.

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13 science-backed facts highlighting why small breasts are amazing

By

Monica Pop

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Growing up, so many of us quietly carried that same nagging insecurity, even if we never breathed a word of it out loud. It manifested in everyday, subtle ways—we wore padded bras, fiddled with our posture in front of mirrors, and waited for a “growth spurt” that seemed years overdue. We all harbored an underlying hope that one day, our body would catch up to what society expected of us. There was this anticipation of another puberty that would arrive, but never did according to magazines’ promises.

This pressure didn’t come from nowhere. It was everywhere—on screen, from peers, in passing remarks by family members, and in the way certain body types were held up as the pinnacle of attractiveness. Being younger meant your world was small, but the need to belong was huge. It was incredibly easy to see having a small chest as “behind” and somehow lacking that crucial ingredient that would make you a “true” woman. You see other girls who started developing early, and it’s hard not to feel a sense of both jealousy and confusion about why your body took such a different course.

However, time moves forward, and as the years pass, your point of view changes.

What once felt like a massive deal slowly begins to lose its weight. You start seeing your body differently—not as a project that needs to meet a deadline, but as something that simply is.

It turns out that the things you were afraid of for so long are far less significant than they seemed. On the contrary, having a smaller chest comes with quite a few advantages.

Here are 13 of them:

1. Your body often feels lighter and more comfortable

An obvious advantage is the mere relief that comes from being physically comfortable. Big boobs can create quite a load for your neck and shoulders, especially after long, exhausting days. Since you do not have such a large mass up front, it will be much easier to move around and perform daily activities without struggling.

2. You won’t experience problems related to posture

It goes without saying that not having to balance an excessive burden will make it easier to maintain proper posture. Thus, you will never feel that constant urge to hunch, nor will you ever feel that uncomfortable stiffness in your upper back and neck.

3. The clothing fits the way it is supposed to

This is something most people don’t even think about on a daily basis. Those who have struggled with button-up shirts know how frustrating it is when the material pulls or gaps open. If you have a smaller chest, chances are the clothing will sit flat on your body without any issues.

4. Your options expand in terms of fashion

If you have a smaller chest, there are countless opportunities when it comes to fashion choices. This includes wearing backless tops, spaghetti straps, and other cuts that can be harder to manage otherwise. It gives you the freedom to wear what you like without needing to build any kind of support or structure underneath the outfit.

5. Bras become a choice, not a cage

For many, wearing bras is a basic requirement. However, having a small chest means that you do not necessarily have to wear one; you can choose either comfortable bralets or wear no bra at all. Such freedom might seem unbelievable to other people.

6. Physical activities become easier and more enjoyable

Being physically active becomes a simpler experience. Regardless of whether you are jogging, practicing yoga or playing sports, you no longer have to worry about “bounces” and discomfort. Instead, you can concentrate on the physical activity itself, and feel your body better.

7. The overall wear and tear of your body becomes minimal

Having to support an excessive amount of weight on your chest may cause constant tension over time. Being free from such tension can be very beneficial for you, especially considering the long-term effects of this condition.

8. Aging changes become more subtle

It is absolutely natural that our body keeps changing all the time. But in the case of small breasts, gravity does not affect them as strongly. Hence, it is quite easier for small breasts to retain their original shape for much longer, which is one benefit that most women do not realize until their twenties.

9. People tend to view you as more youthful

Since ages, there has been an assumption that a smaller chest tends to make women appear youthful. In any case, even though it’s only a physical attribute, the reality remains that many women end up looking much younger than they actually are due to this physical trait.

10. Summer fashion is effortless

In summer, everyone wants to dress light and wear less clothing. Since you will have less fat in your chest, you will easily wear swimsuits and backless dresses. There will be no need for you to think about how you can make your breasts look bigger.

11. Physical sensitivity can be different

Every body is a one-off, but some research suggests that sensitivity can actually vary by size. With less fatty tissue, some people find they are more responsive to physical touch and sensation, proving that size has nothing to do with how your body functions or feels.

12. Confidence becomes a state of mind rather than an absolute thing

Ultimately, you will come to understand that confidence does not depend on your measurements. Rather, it depends upon how you conduct yourself and whether you feel comfortable wearing a particular piece of clothing. In most cases, a smaller chest will become just another feature of your body.

13. You realize nothing was ever actually “missing”

And now for the main point. What once seemed like an obvious disadvantage actually turns out not to be that significant after all. As your perspective broadens, you realize that your body isn’t “deficient” in any way—it’s complete in its own right.

Conclusion

Ultimately, I think it is not the physical body itself but the perspective we have on our bodies that undergoes the transformation.

The issues we were concerned about so much before, things we thought were flaws that needed fixing, things we tried so hard to cover up or compensate for—the way they all gradually merge into the background and become just another part of who we are. They do not represent any defects anymore; they are no longer “pieces missing from the puzzle.” It almost feels like some kind of liberation when the realization dawns upon us, because, once and for all, it means an enormous burden lifted from our shoulders.

We have to admit that many of the ideas we have about ourselves, the things we believe are true, are simply imposed upon us by society. We are socialized from a very early age into the notion that some qualities are preferable to others, that there is only one “perfect” standard of beauty, and, as children, we cannot imagine challenging that dogma or even question its validity.

But here’s the beautiful thing about aging.

It seems like the individuals who don’t feel insecure about their bodies aren’t those who have achieved a certain level of “idealization.” Instead, they’re simply the individuals who have ceased evaluating themselves on such standards. They have dropped the comparison and the pressure to be someone different from what they already are. And thus, they have come to terms with their bodies and started embracing them.

This is precisely where the transformation lies.

For once you stop perceiving your body as something that needs to be altered, you see the world in an entirely new light. You feel a sense of relaxation that allows you to make decisions according to how you feel rather than the supposed “norm.” You wear things just because you like them, without worrying whether they are flattering or cover up your flaws.

And each of those small victories—feeling at ease, flowing gracefully, not worrying about your appearance—that starts to mean much more than any insecurity ever could.

Eventually, you come to understand that there was nothing wrong with you to begin with. The sense that you were always lagging behind, that you weren’t quite good enough, wasn’t true of your body. It came from the pressures society put on your body—and the moment you stop playing along, even a little bit, those pressures will fall away.

All that remains is something far less complicated, and yet far more genuine. There’s a body that backs you up, a body that flows with you, a body that is truly yours.

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How learning the truth brought our family closer together

By

Monica Pop

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I can recall the day that marked a shift, although it wasn’t in any way a momentous event. It came with no warning, nor did it seem like there was any particular change in my circumstances at all—at least, not initially. I cannot say for certain when it began because, again, it did not happen overnight. Rather, it seems as if it happened subtly, like an unseen force stirring beneath the water’s surface.

At that time, my son was only eight years old. I was just taking him for his regular medical examination—the one we both knew by heart—just another routine appointment during a particularly busy Tuesday afternoon. There was nothing different from the usual: the crunching sound of the exam table paper, the antiseptic odor, the height markings. Nothing was out of the ordinary.

However, one thing did happen – a small inquiry from the doctor about the chart. And another question followed. There was a certain nuance in his voice – not an alarm bell ringing, rather some sort of caution. He recommended additional tests “just to make sure.” Nothing worried me; I had trust in the process and in the doctors like many other parents who assume that it is routine.

The news that came back several weeks later changed everything.

I clearly recall how I sat in that little office, trying to absorb the words and breathe in through my lungs, yet they seemed to go right through me. They felt like coming from very far away, like they were being told by someone else in someone else’s story – a story I had nothing to do with. The pronunciation was clear; however, it made no sense.

We are not biologically related.

The equation ran through my mind again and again until I understood the math, which didn’t make any sense to me. The math didn’t relate to the years that we had spent together and it didn’t connect to my memories of midnight fevers, his first steps, and sleeping with his head right under my chin.

Everything suddenly became so surreal for me. I felt detached from myself, as if I wasn’t me anymore.

But then I saw him.

There he sat in the waiting room, half hidden behind the broken door as always, slightly fidgeting while rocking back and forth on his seat, making a soft thwacking sound with his sneakers hitting the chair. His eyes were wandering across the room, most likely wondering how much longer we would wait. As soon as his eyes met mine, he gave me a wide smile—his gap-toothed smile that was so pure and honest. He didn’t even realize the tectonic plates of my world were moving beneath my feet.

Before I realized what happened, I reached out and took his hand.

This was when everything made sense. Not the science, not the uncertainty, not the legal and biological questions that would surely follow. But that. His hand in mine. Tiny, warm, and trusting.

This is real. This is all that matters.

At that point, I made my choice, and it wasn’t complicated or difficult. In that instant, it seemed so natural, so right. Whether there were facts to uncover, whether the science said one thing or another, it wouldn’t make any difference. We were a family because we had been acting like a family every day for ten years. We were a family because of the time we had spent together. The burnt toast on Sundays, the scraped elbows, the shared love of some ridiculous cartoon—it all came down to the little things that mean nothing until you realize they’re everything.

I didn’t change anything in the way I felt. Nothing happened in the way I took care of him either.

It all continued to unfold as normal and I supported him in everything that mattered. I attended his school functions, seating myself awkwardly on the plastic seats, cheering him on when he saw me in the crowd and gave his signature wave. I assisted with his math homework, which was beyond my comprehension, and I would stay up late talking to him about everything he wanted to get off his chest, from the bullies at school to his own insecurities.

With each year that went by, I saw him become himself. He gained independence and self-reflection. He had developed his dry humor that would leave me surprised, along with his empathy, which made me feel I had done everything right. My son had his unique perspective on things, his unique energy, his unique direction in life. I was proud of him not for being like me physically, not for having my traits, but just because of who he was choosing to become.

His eighteenth birthday was a turning point.

That “truth,” which was revealed in the office of a certain doctor, didn’t go away; rather, it had been there all along and became part of his history. He found out about some kind of legacy left by someone related to him biologically. We didn’t discuss this very often, as we were both busy with our lives, but it was a door that could no longer remain closed forever.

This was a door I knew that he would want to go through someday.

It was hard for me when he decided he wanted to delve deeper into this aspect of himself, but I knew how he felt. It was a very quiet sort of selfishness that I could not help but be scared of. Not because he might leave me for good, but because maybe I’ll become nothing more than a blip in his life, a side character in a story he was writing, something he’d outgrow without looking back. But he was mine. And I loved him for it.

I let him go because I know love is not something you control by gripping tightly to your heart until bruises form on your knuckles. I’ve known that since before we were together, and I will always remember that.

And yet now, the house seems like an entirely different place. It’s no longer silent – it feels empty. When I pass his room, it’s like a pocket of air is missing from the rest of the world. The little noises have all disappeared. Nothing moves in the halls after midnight anymore, and no more soft, hushed music plays. There are no more conversations that start in the kitchen and end up in the living room.

It had been days without any word from him, then weeks.

I told myself that it was natural. He was getting his bearings straight, sorting out his life, making something of himself. I trusted him to do the right thing, but somehow the distance gnawed at me in the stillness of those times. I found myself looking at his vacant seat during dinner, the echo of silence magnified by the ticking of the clock. And I wondered whether he found what he sought, or whether he discovered that the grass was not greener than what he thought.

One day, several months after that, everything changed once more.

A friend phoned me to ask if I would step outside for a minute or two. There was an unusual inflection in her voice, a tone that was soft yet expectant enough to leave me no choice but to do as she requested. I felt my heartbeat slowly begin to beat inside my ribcage as I headed for the door.

I walked down the porch steps into the cool evening breeze.

There he was.

He stood next to his car, having matured significantly since we last saw each other. He was physically stronger, his presence more confident, but most importantly, he looked like a man who went out there and returned knowing where everything was on the map. But when he turned those eyes towards mine, I saw something I never thought I’d see again—it was the same old kid.

Silence hung in the air as we stood there, waiting for some kind of magic. I saw my friend step closer and embrace me in the strongest hug I’ve ever gotten from him. It was an embrace like no others—a passionate reunion between two friends after so many long and silent months.

And there, right then and there, I understood—I knew he would always be mine.

Afterwards, during our conversations over tea in the kitchen, he explained to me what that trip had meant. He told me of the people that he had spoken with and the questions that he had answered. I learned from him that he required that kind of distance to be able to learn more about himself. The “other” side of the story would make him aware that this wasn’t his story.

Somehow, through the process, he came to an understanding. He understood that he is that person who was there when he got sick, who celebrated when he crossed the finish line and who worried about him during those sleepless nights. Family was not defined by genetics or paperwork.

That decision did not feel like winning anything. It did not even feel like regaining him because, for all those long years, nothing was ever lost. The decision brought me a profound and resonant confirmation of everything that I believed about him from the age when he turned eight.

Our lives were put to the test. We got hit by an unexpected event that would probably tear our family apart. However, in the end, what we faced was not strong enough to tear away something. On the contrary, everything we have gone through made us realize what was the truth about us. Our marriage was never fragile because it did not hinge on one single fact. Rather, it was formed over thousands of days, due to consistency, presence, and million other little things.

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Love and Peace

arty

My fiancé made fun of me at dinner—until I took off my ring and exposed one detail

By

Monica Pop

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Twelve minutes.

In my world, twelve minutes is the difference between a deal closing and a litigation nightmare beginning. It’s the length of two billable increments. It’s also exactly how long it takes to lose the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, apparently.

Being late became the soundtrack of my life after making partner. It wasn’t something I decided consciously, but a gradual deterioration. You don’t simply wake up one morning deciding that a mezzanine loan trumps your anniversary; all it takes is a couple of minutes replying to one email at 6 PM before you realize that it’s already 7:15 PM and you are still staring at spreadsheets in your office, with an Uber waiting for you downstairs.

That particular Tuesday night had begun in the usual hectic routine of my life. At six o’clock that morning, I was on a phone call with my client, pacing about the wooden floor of my Gold Coast apartment. Technically, I was “ready”—I wore my stilettos and hung my coat over the couch—but I was still immersed in my work. The cell phone was pinned between my ear and my shoulder, where I would notice the pain later on, as I attempted to put in my golden hoop earrings with one hand, while I riffled through piles of closing binders with the other.

“The lender’s getting impatient, Claire,” he barked into the receiver. “They want to accelerate; we need thirty more days.”

“I will get you thirty more days,” I replied, even as my fingers wrestled with an obnoxious earring back. “But you have to send me your new pro-forma tonight.”

It was meant to be a quick check-in. Instead, it became a discussion that stretched from ten minutes to twenty, then from twenty to thirty. It’s how things go in restructuring law; nothing is ever neatly concluded there; rather, it is more a matter of pausing until one hopes the blaze will stop spreading.

By the time I reached the restaurant, I wasn’t sure I existed anymore. My body was inside The Alchemist’s Table restaurant, but my thoughts were trapped in a conference room on LaSalle Street. I clutched my cell phone, reading yet again another panicky text from my senior associate about a missing signature.

The restaurant was quintessential Evanston. Dark, sophisticated, and gleaming with an almost mirrorlike sheen. The scent of expensive bourbon and cedarwood hung heavily in the air. This was the type of place built for people wanting to look impressive without really putting in much effort. The air conditioning made the perfect temperature, a far cry from the frigid November gusts that had been swirling off Lake Michigan and burning my cheeks pink.

The warmth was almost non-existent. I was so involved in mentally drafting an e-mail to the vice president of a bank while the hostess collected my jacket. I introduced myself as Parker for a party of six and followed her into the dining area.

Well, I spotted them before they even saw me.

They were our “inner circle.” At least that was how Evan referred to them. These were the individuals whose company we filled our weekends with brunches and boat parties in the summers. I could not help but think of myself as something of a guest star in their lives, the “high-powered lawyer” who came in late and left early.

There was Evan, sitting at the head of the table. He looked good as always, and he made no attempt to conceal it. He possessed the knack of lounging in a chair with one hand holding a whiskey glass and making the rest of the world realize just how little he needed it to exist around him.

I stood around fifteen feet back, briefly hidden from view by a massive architectural fern and a glass partition.

And then I heard it.

“I no longer wish to marry her.”

There was no doubt about it; it was Evan’s voice. Not laced with regret, nor filled with anger, but matter-of-fact. It sounded just like how he would talk about something as insignificant as his golf handicap or changing plans for dinner.

For one split second, the room went silent. And then Mark released an exasperated chuckle.

“What?” Mark said. “Since when?”

“Dunno,” answered Evan. The clinking of ice in his glass could be heard as he took a sip. “These days, she’s… Dunno. Pathetic. Always worried, always late, always on the verge of breaking down about a footnote. It’s like cohabiting with a ghost always checking her watch.”

Again, there was laughter—laughter without shock but with relief that the truth had been laid bare.

“She’s a partner in one of the biggest law firms in the city, man,” said another voice. “She makes the bucks.”

“And she doesn’t spend them,” argued Evan, his tone filled with fresh disdain. “She’s too busy ‘restructuring’ stuff. Exhausting. I want someone who is there, you know? Not someone who sees me as just an item on the balance sheet.”

I When it comes to negotiation skills, there is always a lesson to be learned by keeping quiet. In negotiations, it’s the first one who speaks that gets outplayed. I’ve learned over my entire life not to raise my heart rate above ninety, even with a billionaire yelling at me. I had experience in being able to control my emotions.

This, however, was no negotiation. This was an autopsy.

I was already thirty-four. For ten years now, I’ve been dealing with companies’ inner demons and making them realize the consequences of their own actions. The moment everything became clear came without warning, as the stroke of lightning.

I wasn’t pathetic; I was his solid basis upon which he stood and complained.

I moved towards the table.

Dana, who’d been laughing only a moment ago, caught sight of me first. She didn’t have time to gasp—she was far too refined for that—but her eyes widened, and she froze. The noise at the table silenced itself in one fell swoop.

Evan looked up. His hand didn’t fly to his chest—he was too trained for that—but I could see the look of fear in his pupils, the grip he took on the glass that whitened his knuckles.

“Claire,” he breathed, just slightly, “you’re here. We were just… discussing how hard you’ve been working.”

The lie was so pathetic it wasn’t even funny.

I didn’t take a seat. My bag never made it from its spot slung over my shoulder to the vacant chair. I stood at the end of the table, looking down at him. There was an odd peace inside me.

“I know,” I said.

That silence was deafening. It was the silence that came just before the jury announced their verdict in a courtroom.

I did not shout at him, I did not scream or cry, I did not let him see my tears, and I did not give him the satisfaction of watching me throw a fit. Rather, I grabbed onto the ring that held an engagement stone he chose for me; a beautiful ring, which I had suggested him buy from that jeweler since I enjoyed a corporate discount.

I set the ring on the table. There was a loud, crystal sound as the ring hit the table next to his glass of whiskey.

“Claire, come on,” Evan stood halfway. “Don’t make a drama out of this. I was just blowing off some steam.”

“Sure,” I answered calmly, in the same way that I explained a Chapter 11 filing to a board of directors. “I will not force you to marry me. Your responsibilities are lifted now.”

A flicker of relief passed over his face. He believed he had escaped unscathed, that the “pathetic” girl was bowing out gracefully without any harm done to his ego.

He was mistaken.

“The whole idea about being invisible, Evan, is that they forget that you’re the one carrying the weight,” I continued, bending in close enough that the table would have had difficulty hearing anything beyond the conversation at their table. “Like your logistics company that was six months away from bankruptcy when you walked into my office in tears because no one was answering your calls from the bank.”

My tone remained calm, but the table held its breath. “Every contract keeping you above water was written by me. That debt-equity exchange? Worked out on my Sunday mornings. That forbearance? Negotiated during my lunch break. All for the simple reason that I thought we were building a life. However, since I am apparently so pathetic, I suppose you won’t need my help anymore.”

I took a breath to let it sink in. “If you want an extension from your banker, he needs a compliance statement which I will not be signing. Without it, by tomorrow morning, the bank defaults, do you remember? That default statement I made sure was quite easygoing? Without my signature, no?”

His cheeks grew pale. For once, Evan looked into my eyes and saw the woman who kept him going all these years.

“You might want to try some of the hors d’oeuvres, the tartare is supposed to be great.”

I started walking towards the exit, my heels echoing through the hall. Evan ran after me, grabbing my hand right before the door.

“Claire, please don’t ruin everything because of this little game.”

“Not a joke,” I replied, meeting his gaze as he released my hand. “A confession. You never liked me; you liked what I could do for you.”

“Sure, sure, I’ll apologize,” he began stammering. “Only… please don’t call the bank.”

“I’m not calling to ruin your life, Evan,” I replied softly. “I’m just not calling to save it.”

The cold of Chicago greeted me as I stepped out into the evening, feeling almost weightless. Sitting in the back of a taxi, my phone beeped, letting me know that an associate had sent me the following text message: “Lender extension? Should I tell the client we’re all set?”

To which I replied: “Things have changed. We’re heading in a new direction.” I was exactly on time for once in my life.

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Love and Peace

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8 fascinating optical illusions that challenge your self-awareness

By

Monica Pop

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Self-awareness is one of those characteristic that does not come naturally to all of us. There are some people who just naturally find deconstructing themselves and their behaviors easier to do. Others may require extra time and effort to gain an awareness of what goes on in their heads.

It is something that applies to almost everything we do. Self-awareness determines how we respond in a particular situation, how we communicate, and how we relate to others. Having a high level of self-awareness makes it much easier to recognize when we are being exposed to unhealthy situations or when there are some things that need to be changed. The best part about self-awareness is that it encourages self-improvement and personal development.

But when one turns inward, this does not necessarily mean that it will be a tedious process. In fact, sometimes it can be a fun activity. For example, there is something about optical illusions which gives an interesting peek into the human mind. It plays around with human perception, causing it to make choices about the things it sees. The item that one locks onto first may say much about their character and emotional makeup.

Below are eight optical illusions that may provide insight into one’s inner workings.

1. Which Direction Is the Figure Moving?

This one is a classic illusion – a picture of a figure, either approaching towards you or going away from you. In spite of its static nature, your mind would pick which way the person is going depending the state of your mind.

If you find the person walking away from you, it means that you are an analyzer by nature. You tend to be logical and enjoy pondering over the situation before acting upon it. Such people have very good multitasking skills and have an excellent intuition about the results too.

On the other hand, if you find that the person is walking towards you, it means that you are highly focused on your work. You are very analytical in approach and like to go through all the intricacies of the issue. Such people have very systematic approach and take a lot of pride in their perfectionism.

Neither of these perspectives is right or wrong; it is simply interesting to know how differently two individuals perceive the very same picture.

2. What Do You Notice First: A Cat or a Mouse?

The next image draws on that age-old hunter-prey relationship. Both subjects in the picture are concealed within the image, but there’s a tendency for our minds to focus more intensely on one subject or another.

If your mind focuses on the feline and then reacts to it as a threat, you are probably someone who is cautious, careful, and strategic. You like having everything in place before you do anything else. In other words, you like things to be stable and well thought-out before proceeding.

If you focused on the little rodent instead, you probably have an element of rebellion and adventure in your character. You believe in going for it rather than taking days to analyze every possible outcome or “what if” situation.

In short, it comes down to which part of your brain is presently attuned to either control or exploration.

3. Do You See Lips or a Sunset?

It may seem quite basic, but this illustration actually highlights some very interesting differences between mindsets.

The illustration of lips would mean that you are a person who is pragmatic and who says what they think and how they feel. They tend to be less optimistic and more critical and analytical. They have a greater appreciation for the truth about a matter rather than its “dream.”

A person who views the sunset would probably be more optimistic, seeing the best side of things and people. They would be very energized by assisting other people in their tasks and problems. This kind of outlook is always characterized by high levels of empathy and openness emotionally.

This particular illustration can be considered a good litmus test for your realism or idealism.

4. Clouds or Fish?

Some individuals perceive fluffy clouds on a landscape, whereas others see the curved body of a fish.

Those perceiving clouds in their interpretation will have a tendency to be incredibly adaptable. Individuals with this trait are comfortable being led by the wind and taking an adventurous turn in life without being bothered too much about the uncertainty involved. On the other hand, the lack of stability could be an issue with such individuals.

On the other hand, those perceiving the fish will be someone who cares more about their ‘school.’ They are known to build strong ties instantly but may face challenges leaving situations that have become toxic because of loyalty.

This is a perfect example of conflict in the human mind, with people wanting their independence and attachment at the same time.

5. A Wine Glass or Two Forks?

This optical illusion is one that pits your mind’s attention to either the central image or the background.

If you were drawn first to the wine glass, then you are very likely someone who is highly goal-driven. You know what you want and you have the determination to work toward it. However, even as you pursue your goals, you still remain highly conscious of those watching from the sidelines.

If it is the forks that caught your eye, then you are more of a person who acts on emotions than logic. You may be highly empathetic and you are the type who would put everyone else ahead of yourself.

This optical illusion is an excellent predictor of how you balance ambition with empathy.

6. Shy or Outgoing?

This one is not associated with any particular object but focuses more on how you scan a busy picture with your eyes.

If you are one of those people who pay attention to the small things that are often overlooked by others, then you tend to be more introverted. This means that you prefer a deeper conversation in a quiet place as opposed to competing in noisy surroundings.

On the other hand, if you instantly pay attention to the major parts of the picture, then you must belong to the outgoing types. You must feel comfortable among many people since you feel energized among them.

It is simply an illustration of how you respond to social stimuli.

7. Are You Too Hard on Yourself?

This optical illusion delves deeper into your internal thoughts and how you perceive criticism.

If you tend to concentrate on the imperfections or “brokenness” within the image, then you are most likely very self-critical. You probably expect a lot from yourself and take your failures and mistakes very personally. While it is good for success, it can wear you out emotionally.

Conversely, if your thoughts continue to remain focused on the external aspect, then you could be harder on others than you think you are. This doesn’t mean that it is wrong; it only means that your expectations for others are relatively high.

In essence, the illusion highlights whether you criticize yourself or others.

8. What Does the Image Say About Your Love Language?

This particular illusion is the most complex of the lot, and seeing what lies ahead first will probably tell you a lot about your emotional needs.

If you are the kind that sees physical closeness, the shared experience, or a simple act of service in the illusion, then you are someone who loves giving and receiving affection. There are those who see a show of love while there are others who see an urgent need for companionship.

Mastering this aspect of yourself will definitely take your relationships to the next level by enabling you to articulate what it means to feel loved.

What do Optical Illusions Really Reveal?

These aren’t clinical psychological tests. These are means of self-analysis. This is an entertaining way to observe how your brain values some patterns higher than others according to how you are wired at the moment.

According to psychology, what we see is greatly affected by our history, moods, and even personality. So what catches your eye is not by chance; rather, it’s a result of the “operating system” of your brain.

And by observing this process, you might learn something about yourself.

Conclusion

Self-awareness is not an accomplishment once attained. It is a continual process of learning and unlearning and evolving. Regardless of whether it comes naturally or is acquired through effort, self-awareness enables one to traverse life’s journey with a sense of poise.

Optical illusions serve merely as a fun, harmless way of igniting the curiosity within. They serve as a reminder that truth is relative and that the brain can give away its secrets in subtle ways. Although not everything is true, optical illusions make excellent thought provokers.

At the end of the day, self-awareness simply means having curiosity about oneself. At times, a quirky picture does the trick.

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Bored Daddy

Love and Peace

arty

Red dots on your skin: Causes and what they could mean

By

Monica Pop

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The reason why red dots appear on the skin can be various, and while some of them go away on their own, some require a suitable treatment.

Some of the most common reasons which lead to the red spots are allergic reactions, acne residual mark, vascular birthmarks, skin spots due to angiomas, protein overproduction, heat rash, insect bites, leaking capillaries, as well as autoimmune conditions.

1. Petechiae and Purpura

These are tiny red dots that appear on the skin due to damaged blood vessels or capillaries. They can be caused by stress, coughing, or certain medications. Although they are usually harmless, they can sometimes indicate underlying platelet disorders.

2. Cherry Angiomas

These small, raised, bright red bumps are a result from an overgrowth of blood vessels and are generally harmless. They usually appear at old age.

3. Heat Rash

Heat rash occurs when sweat becomes trapped in sweat ducts and causes itchy, red dots to appear on the skin.

4. Allergic Reactions

Redness can also occur in case of an allergic reaction to food, substances, medications, or insect stings or bites.

5. Folliculitis

Folliculitis is an inflammation of the hair follicles, usually caused by bacterial or fungal infections resulting in red, pus-filled dots on the skin that can be uncomfortable.

6. Cellulitis

Cellulitis is a bacterial skin infection that causes redness and swelling of the skin. It usually requires medical attention and treatment with antibiotics.

7. Impetigo

Impetigo is a contagious bacterial infection that primarily affects children and is characterized by red sores that open, ooze fluid, and later form a crust.

8. Vasculitis

Vasculitis is a condition associated with autoimmune disorders or infections that involves inflammation of blood vessels.

9. Hemangiomas

Hemangiomas are birthmarks that result from abnormal growth of blood vessels. While they are generally harmless, occasional medical intervention may be necessary.

Home remedies which help the prevention of spreading and getting rid of the red dots include some of the most widely used herbs and plants.

Below are three remedies you can try in case you notice red dots on your skin. Of course, it is always highly recommended to consult with a professional.

The Aloe Vera treatment consists of applying extract of fresh aloe vera gel on the skin twice a day. The gel should be left for 15 to 20 minutes.
Another helpful home remedy is massaging the freshly cleaned skin with coconut oil. For it to give the best results, the oil should be left overnight. Repeat the process until you notice any results.
Dandelion is another plant that helps with the red skin dots. The usage is as follows: Boil dandelion root powder in water and then strain and sip for detoxification.

In case you notice a change in the form of the red dots or patches consult a doctor and make sure to maintain a healthy lifestyle and a healthy diet which includes plenty of fruits, vegetables, juices, and healthy fats.

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Love and Peace

arty

If the person you love does this, psychology says it may be time to rethink healthy boundaries in your relationship

By

Monica Pop

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A lot of people would say that romantic relations are literally the essence of human life. They offer comfort, understanding, companionship, and even self-development in some cases. If everything runs smoothly, modern research supports the idea of the honeymoon period, connecting healthy relationships with lower stress levels, improved heart rate, and overall well-being. However, there’s a dark side of it as well. Psychology warns about the dangers of turning a relationship into a breeding ground for unhealthy behavior.

The thing is, toxic traits hardly ever come with an alarm signal. On the contrary, at first, it can seem like passion, interest, and caring. However, as scientists from the field argue, recognizing these symptoms timely can help you to preserve your emotional integrity and stay safe.

Marcos Lacerda, a clinical psychologist, has made a name for himself by writing extensively on the dynamics involved in breaking down trust, emotional well-being, and self-respect. Lacerda’s theory coincides with the vast amount of scientific literature in psychology that proves beyond any doubt that certain behaviors are not mere “personality traits,” but rather indicators of an unhealthy or even psychologically abusive relationship.

1. Excessive Control and the Slow Loss of Individual Freedom

Perhaps one of the clearest indications that things may not be well within a relationship is when a sense of control becomes apparent. This usually does not begin with a dictate but with a suggestion. This could come from your partner telling you how to dress, whom to text, where to go, and even how to manage your money. In the beginning, it will always be about “concern”: “I only want you to be safe,” or “I do not like those people because they do not treat you the way I treat you.”

With time, these suggestions turn into rules, and the relationship becomes restrictive and suffocating.

Psychological Research: Research carried out in relation psychology indicates that control is the major indicator of psychological abuse. The theory of Coercive Control, coined by psychologist Evan Stark, explains that control is employed as a means for developing a state of entrapment through a process that begins with small choices and culminates in absolute loss of freedom.

Autonomy is the cornerstone of healthy relationships. In healthy relationships, partners encourage autonomy and do not seek to control their partner’s identity. When trust gives way to control, then the relationship is unbalanced from an emotional perspective.

2. Emotional Invalidation and the Erosion of Reality

Another important warning sign involves being continually ignored or belittled for your emotions or viewpoints. This can be described as invalidation, which entails a partner making fun of your feelings, dismissing your concerns (“It’s no big deal”), or constantly telling you that you are “overreacting” or being “too sensitive.”

Psychological Research: According to studies on Emotional Validation, being validated is crucial as it is the basis for our emotional stability. As you get used to your emotions being invalidated constantly, you become alienated with yourself – meaning you are no longer able to trust your instincts since you’ve been repeatedly told that you are “overthinking” or “making a drama out of it.”

When you enter into an intimate relationship, arguments will occur at some point, but mutual respect should remain a constant. Couples can disagree on the facts of the matter, yet not invalidate each other emotionally while discussing their differences.

3. Emotional Manipulation and Guilt-Based Control

An example of an almost invisible manipulation technique is emotional manipulation. The relationship ceases to be based on mutual respect and turns into a reward-and-punishment regime, including guilt manipulation, stonewalling, or love withdrawal in case of not complying with their demands.

In other words, there may be an attempt to convince the person to act by saying something like, “If you loved me, you would do this for me.” Also, emotional manipulation could mean a period of complete silence for several days as a way to punish the person.

Psychological Research: According to behavioral psychological research, guilt manipulation can lead to increased stress and emotional dependence. Gradually, a person who becomes subject to manipulation stops thinking about their needs and focuses only on avoiding conflicts, which results in the loss of one’s “self.”

4. Jealousy, Surveillance, and Trust Deterioration

Although jealousy is a human trait, it is detrimental to relationships if used as a justification for monitoring the activities of one’s partner. Questioning each other all the time, demanding access to passwords for social media accounts, searching the partner’s cell phone, and calling them a cheater out of thin air are some examples of behaviors that indicate absence of trust within the couple.

Psychological Research: According to Attachment Theory, jealous behaviors may occur in case a person experiences Anxious Attachment due to their underlying fear of being abandoned. Although it can be quite useful to know the reason behind such feelings, studies indicate that understanding the background of one’s partner does not give them right to control others’ actions. If there was genuine love between two people, then trust would have always been the default.

5. Gaslighting: The Most Extreme Mental Abuse

Gaslighting is among the most psychologically destructive actions noted in the clinical literature. This entails your partner making you second-guess your memory, judgment, and even sanity. Words such as “That never happened,” “It was all in your imagination,” and “You always forget things” are said to put you under psychological strain and make you rely solely on their interpretation of events.

Psychological Research: Gaslighting is known to be an extremely damaging psychological manipulation technique. Gaslighting leads to “cognitive dissonance,” a state of tension brought about by having conflicting beliefs. Studies show that gaslighting may result in depression and anxiety disorders.

6. Threats, Ultimatums, and Conditional Love

A good relationship is supposed to be a “secure base.” Nevertheless, in some cases, one partner may resort to making a threat or giving an ultimatum as a means of negotiation. A partner may constantly threaten to break up after every little argument or use the idea of leaving to get you to behave in a certain way. Thus, love becomes transactional. You will be loved and safe provided that you behave properly.

Psychological Research: According to Psychological Research on Relationship Stability, conditional affection can jeopardize emotional security. If love is seen as a bargaining tool, then the threatened person experiences chronic hyper-vigilance, making true intimacy impossible.

7. The Refusal of Mutual Growth and Responsibility

It is vital in any relationship to maintain a “maintenance mode”. This means that it needs both partners to show growth and reflect on it. A serious sign of potential failure is a lack of self-reflection and accountability by your partner. They may justify their actions either through upbringing, or ex, or you: “I was only shouting because you drove me nuts.”

Psychological Research: “The Four Horsemen”, which according to the research done at The Gottman Institute lead to relationship failure, include “defensiveness”. Couples that demonstrate positive problem-solving skills when facing arguments and can take responsibility during an argument show much higher levels of happiness and satisfaction in their relationships.

8. Social Isolation and Emotional Dependence

Among the most damaging psychological habits, social isolation takes the top spot. In cases of social isolation, your partner actively discourages any attempts you make to visit your loved ones. The partner may engage in arguments whenever you plan to see your friends and family or pretend to be hurt whenever you go away. The result is that you isolate yourself from the outside world, making your partner your only outlet for emotional validation.

Psychological Research: According to research on domestic violence, social isolation is the “infrastructure” of any abusive behavior. Social isolation eliminates the “reality check” provided by loved ones.

What to Do Once You Identify These Warning Signs According to Psychology

Identifying these signs can be incredibly challenging due to cognitive dissonance—the part of your brain that tries to convince you that the person you love is good despite their damaging behaviors. However, psychologists have identified some crucial steps:

Create firm boundaries: Boundaries are not requests but terms of engagement. It is essential to know what behaviors are not allowed and what will happen when you cross them.

External support is crucial: No matter who it is—therapist or friend—you must have someone outside of your bubble to give you perspective on the situation. Studies show that getting external input helps make better decisions when emotions are involved.

Apply the “safety first” rule: Any relationship that consistently causes stress, anxiety, or the loss of your own identity must come second to your safety and happiness.

Accept the end: Psychologists explain that leaving a toxic relationship is not a failure; it is an act of self-preservation.

Conclusion

Psychology does not expect perfection from any relationships. Conflicts occur in all sorts of connections. The huge gap between a rough phase and abuse is one thing that you should keep in mind. There should be no need for love to destroy your soul, make you feel weak, and rob you of your self-respect. True love cannot be constructed on the foundation of power, fear, and control. Noticing a red flag is a way of showing your respect to yourself, not an act of treachery towards your partner.

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Love and Peace

arty

The first recorded scan of a dying human brain suggests possible ‘life recall’ activity

By

Monica Pop

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As long as people have been around, the question of the “moment of death” has been humanity’s greatest mystery. In reality, this has always been viewed as an absolute state where something was either on or off. However, one incredible medical coincidence has shed some light on the issue, showing that death can happen in a “fade out,” complete with a highly complex internal process that we are only now starting to comprehend. The groundbreaking study, led by Ajmal Zemmar and published in Frontiers in Aging Neuroscience, shows for the first time EEG-recorded brain activity during the natural process of dying. What was found may suggest that the brain could provide a final glimpse into our lives.

What stands out in this experiment is that it was never meant to be conducted. It is very difficult for science to study the phenomenon of death, since there is no ethical way to arrange it in a laboratory setting. Most of the information about what happens in the mind during dying comes from interviews with people who experienced cardiac arrest and survived. Although valuable, these accounts tend to be subjective and can be influenced by cultural and religious background.

In this case, an 87-year-old man was brought to the hospital for observation after a fall, which caused a brain hemorrhage. Following surgery to remove the bleeding, he began to suffer epileptic seizures. To determine the origin of this activity in his brain, researchers performed an electroencephalography (EEG), which involves placing electrodes on the scalp. While the machine was recording his brain activity, the man suffered a heart attack and died.

The machine was already in operation, allowing researchers to collect 900 seconds of data, including the crucial 30 seconds before and after the heart ceased beating. As mentioned in the full article in Frontiers in Aging Neuroscience, this provided scientists with a highly detailed picture of how the human brain behaves during this transition—an observation that is extremely rare due to the nature of death.

Gamma Oscillations: The Brain’s High-Definition Signal

In essence, the brain stopped receiving oxygen from the moment the heart stopped working. It was long believed that, as a result, the brain would simply “crash,” like a computer deprived of power. In reality, however, the brain showed an increase in the frequency of gamma waves. Why is this such an important breakthrough? To understand that, one needs to consider what gamma waves actually do in a living, functioning brain.

The brain operates using several frequency bands. Delta waves are associated with deep sleep, while alpha waves are linked to relaxation. Gamma waves, on the other hand, are involved in processing and integrating information from different senses—such as vision, hearing, and memory—into a unified experience. They are also observed during intense concentration, lucid dreaming, and meditation. The presence of increased gamma activity in a dying brain suggests that, rather than shutting down abruptly, the brain may be engaging in complex and organized processes.

The “Life Recall” Hypothesis

The existence of such gamma waves makes it possible to create an organic foundation for “Life Review” experiences. For years, people have considered near-death experiences as nothing more than the brain’s hallucination due to oxygen deprivation or the intake of certain drugs. But according to Dr. Zemmar, the brain may be working to recall memories.

As mentioned earlier, since gamma waves are responsible for memory recall and sudden flashes, the dominance of such waves during death could indicate a “panoramic life review.” In other words, the brain appears to be reviewing the entirety of its hard drive for one final time. This implies that instead of being just an expression or poetic notion, “flash of your life” could actually be a physiological process. According to another study discussing the neural coherence of death experiences, it could be the brain’s last attempt to make sense of a fulfilled life.

Re-Defining “Moment of Death”

The question this study raises is both unsettling and profound: at what point are you truly gone? By conventional standards, clinical death is marked by the absence of a heartbeat and breathing. However, EEG results showed that even after the heart stopped, the brain continued to produce activity.

The fact that the brain remains active after the heart stops suggests that consciousness—or at least some form of neural activity—may persist beyond the point at which a person is traditionally declared dead. This issue is especially important in the context of medical assistance in dying and organ donation. Today, death by cardiac criteria allows doctors to retrieve organs shortly after the heart stops beating. However, if the brain is still undergoing complex activity, possibly related to memory processing, it raises ethical questions about how quickly such procedures should take place. As noted in Scientific American, this suggests that death may be better understood as a “transition” rather than a single moment.

Parallels in the Animal Kingdom

Another reason why this research is given so much weight is that it isn’t an isolated case of biological behavior. Prior to this discovery of the phenomenon in humans, there were other instances in which this had happened to animals. As described by a study conducted at the University of Michigan, it was noted that there was an enormous spike in brain activity in rats in the first 30 seconds following cardiac arrest.

There were many people who speculated whether this was simply a biological function unique to the rodent brain and that it might be a final attempt at survival. However, the findings presented by Dr. Zemmar demonstrate that this is a trait preserved by nature, meaning that all mammals have been programmed to do this one last thing before their neurons discharge any more electricity.

The Emotional Significance: Finding Peace in Science

Despite the cold facts, this discovery is highly significant on an emotional level, as Dr. Zemmar has explained in various interviews that as a neurosurgeon, he frequently had to inform grieving families about their loved ones’ death. In other words, this study can add another, more positive, element to the process.

It would make sense for the brain to activate the most “meaningful” circuits in its memory system. People generally do not have gamma-bursts of neural activity while remembering their lunch three years ago; rather, gamma-bursts happen when one feels love, experiences a significant lesson, or finds peace of mind. As a result, it can be argued that people do not leave this life in fear and agony; instead, they remember their lives peacefully, detached from physical sufferings. Based on The Lancet’s findings concerning near-death experiences, this seems to be the case, and the new study explains this phenomenon scientifically.

While the data presents an impersonal view of brain activity, the meaning behind Dr. Ajmal Zemmar’s findings goes much deeper on a human level. Speaking from the experience of many years of delivering bad news to bereaved families, the doctor claims that this research has changed his perception of the matter. This study brings hope to the medical definition of dying because now it appears that a dying brain does not just shut down; instead, it says goodbye using all its complex neural connections.

It is logical that in their last moments, people’s brains activate the neural processes that mean something to them. Our brain is selective in the process of retrieving memories – for instance, when thinking back about past events, we don’t usually have frequent gamma-bursts of electrical activity while remembering our uneventful lunch at grandma’s house. It happens only when recalling important moments in life like experiencing love, making a great realization, or finding inner peace.

The presence of similar bursts of gamma waves in the brain at the time of death suggests that the experience may not necessarily be characterized by fear or pain. Instead, it may involve a state of internal activity that could resemble peaceful reflection, where the body is no longer the primary focus and the mind may revisit meaningful memories.

Conclusion

These findings have led researchers to consider a possible explanation for the “life review” phenomenon reported in several studies published in The Lancet on near-death experiences (NDEs). For many years, NDEs have remained largely outside the scope of science and biology, often associated with spiritual interpretations. However, this discovery offers a potential biological basis, allowing scientists to begin exploring how the brain might generate such experiences by linking present activity with stored memories.

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The banana trick and other self-checkout theft tactics

By

Monica Pop

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Indeed, life has become easier because of technological advancements, yet it is hard not to question whether we’ve gotten just a little too dependent on our gadgets.

For example, a number of supermarkets decided to embrace self-service technology in order to make their customers’ shopping experience as smooth as possible by increasing efficiency. Yet, it turns out that just the opposite has happened, and the decision has been far from welcomed due to customers’ personal beliefs about convenience.

The thing is, these self-checkout lines are not exactly new. In fact, they have been around since the 1980s and were invented as an attempt to reduce the cost of labor for businesses.

As much as there has been time for people to get accustomed to them, there has also been enough time to discover that self-service checkout is quite unpleasant because it makes the customer do extra work while bagging their milk and receiving alerts about “unexpected item in bagging area.”

Retailers are also having headaches due to self-checkouts. The moment a trained cashier is replaced by a distracted consumer, there comes the possibility of “inventory shrinkage”—the industry’s fancy word for theft.

Take the “banana trick,” for instance. Consumers can easily get away with stealing expensive steaks or wine by simply swiping the items through the scanner as cheap fruits like bananas for fifty cents a piece.

Voucher Codes Pro, an online coupon website, conducted a survey among 2,634 consumers and discovered that 19 percent of them had stolen goods from a self-service checkout point.

What drives them to do so? Almost two-thirds of respondents claimed they were doing so only because they felt they could get away with it. The current scenario can be likened to a “digital Wild West,” wherein consumers have discovered certain methods to outwit the technology employed in these terminals.

1. The banana trick

This is probably the most notorious trick out there. The customer puts an expensive product, such as a top-quality piece of meat, organic honey, or maybe even electronic devices, on the scale. Rather than scanning the item’s actual barcode, the customer searches for the code of a low-cost but hefty item such as bananas or onions, and pays just a few cents while it ought to have cost twenty dollars.

2. The pass-around

The trick involves speed and not being observed. The customer will pick up the object and pretend to scan it, but will ensure that the barcode is never brought close enough to the scanner for it to register. The customer will then simply put it in their shopping bag. Unless there is a highly sensitive scale, the item has effectively vanished from the inventory system.

3. The ticket switch

Others enter the shop with stickers which they have carefully removed from cheaper items. As they stand near the checkout point, they will covertly place the sticker labeled “99 cents” on top of the barcode of an expensive item. Since it recognizes a legitimate barcode, the computerized scanner successfully processes the product without any hitch. By this time, the attendant will be assisting another customer who does not notice anything unusual.

4. The bottom of the basket (BOB)

It is a form of shoplifting where customers deliberately forget to pay for items placed at the bottom of their basket. Some of the common examples include items such as large containers of soft drinks, 40 lbs bags of dog food or bulk boxes of tissues. The shoppers pay for all other items but ignore placing the items found in the bottom part of the basket at the cashier’s counter.

In 2015, researchers from the University of Leicester conducted an extensive study involving about a million purchases made using self-checkout counters. The total value of these sales amounted to about twenty-one million dollars, but there was a significant problem with this system, with almost eight hundred fifty thousand dollars worth of goods being taken away without being paid for.

It is believed that much of this may have to do with the ease at which individuals can get away with it, whether through the system itself or its design. The self-checkout process essentially gives consumers an easy chance to opt-out of the scanning process without necessarily being “conventional” shoplifters. Most of the time, people would not plan to commit such acts, but once they reach the self-service checkout area and see how easy it is to “forget” an item, their temptations overpower them.

The legal approach to addressing the matter has proven to be of little assistance as well. Police in cities such as Dallas have been forced to downgrade some cases of petty theft due to their limited manpower. The threat of arrest is virtually non-existent when the police will not respond to the theft of a chocolate bar or a couple of apples.

It is not only the opportunity to get away with theft that plays a role; psychology is also a significant factor. According to Barbara Staib of the National Association for Shoplifting Prevention, this technology can make consumers feel anonymous. When there is no cashier present to provide direct social interaction, the sense of accountability is reduced, and people may feel less shame when acting dishonestly.

According to Shadd Maruna of the University of Manchester, people are often capable of rationalizing their behavior in order to avoid feelings of guilt. They may recognize that no single individual directly loses money, instead viewing large corporations as financially resilient enough to absorb small losses. In some cases, individuals even justify their actions by arguing that since stores save money on cashier wages by using self-checkout systems, a small degree of loss is somehow “balanced out.”

Individual personality traits also contribute to this behavior. As psychologist Frank Farley suggests, some consumers are motivated by sensation-seeking tendencies. These so-called risk-takers may find that attempting to bypass the system adds excitement to an otherwise ordinary shopping experience.

However, if there is such high levels of theft, why would stores continue offering self-service? Ultimately, this question boils down to cost-cutting measures. Hiring enough workers has always been difficult, particularly during the COVID-19 pandemic. Moreover, due to increasing e-commerce activity, physical stores are desperately trying to reduce expenses.

Through self-service, physical stores can manage lines using minimal staff. Despite taking into account shoplifting and possible scanner errors, savings from labor costs outweigh potential losses.

That said, stores are trying to get smarter. Old weigh-in technology was a constant pain not only to the stores but also to customers who would constantly be notified of some “unexpected items in the bagging area” and have their transactions frozen. Modern technologies, including artificial intelligence and video monitoring systems, can detect a mistake in scanning at once. In case there are doubts regarding the payment process, it could be instantly frozen, or the manager would receive a video notification of the problem.

Despite the initial difficulties, we have largely adapted to checking our own milk and eggs. While we previously grumbled about the added labor and malfunctioning screens, we now appreciate that scanning our items at self-checkouts is quicker overall than waiting in line for a cashier during quick runs. As a result, major retailers such as Walmart and Target continue to invest heavily in the technology due to the clear customer preference for efficiency. On the other hand, the “banana trick,” or scanning expensive cuts of meat as inexpensive produce, becomes increasingly difficult with advanced artificial intelligence surveillance. In conclusion, while self-checkouts will not go away anytime soon, the “freebie era” is likely drawing to a close.

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5 stroke signs every woman should know after Dr. Pimple Popper star suffers stroke while filming

By

Monica Pop

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Doctor Sandra Lee, best known for her hit show Dr. Pimple Popper, was filming her series when she suffered a stroke. The beloved doctor is now sharing her story and urging others to pay attention to warning signs that can lead to the same condition.

Dr. Lee explained that she was in the middle of seeing patients at her dermatology practice in Upland, California in November 2025 when she could sense something was off. However, when she experienced what felt like a hot flash, she brushed it off, convincing herself it was due to menopause. And this is exactly why it is important for women to hear her story. Going through menopause, most women experience these hot flashes, and that is the reason why Dr. Lee didn’t think she experienced anything serious at first.

“I had what I thought was a hot flash,” Dr. Lee told People in an interview. “I got super sweaty and didn’t feel like myself.”

Once the filming was over, she went to her parents’ home, and that’s when she started experiencing more symptoms. She felt very restless and her condition began to worsen. “In one leg, I kept feeling shooting pains,” she said. “I noticed that I was having a tough time walking down the stairs.”

Dr. Sandra Lee attends VIP Advanced Screening Of Lifetimes’ “Dr Pimple Popper: Breaking Out” at TCL Chinese Theatre on April 10, 2025 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Kayla Oaddams/Getty Images)

By the following morning, there was no doubt she experienced a stroke.

“I would hold my hand out, and it would just slowly collapse. I noticed that I had a tough time articulating and just enunciating. I thought, ‘Am I having a stroke?’” she continued.

Her father, a dermatologist as well, urged her to head to the emergency room. An MRI confirmed an ischemic stroke, which occurs when blood flow to the brain is obstructed, preventing oxygen and nutrients from reaching brain cells.

“It was just a shock. As a physician I couldn’t deny that I had slurred speech, that I was having weakness on one side, but I was like, ‘Well, this is a dream, right?”‘ she said.

“What essentially happened is I had a part of my brain that died,” she said.

The frightening episode forced her to step away from filming and focus on recovery, including physical therapy to rebuild her strength and coordination.

Although it happened nearly a year and a half ago, she says she is still deeply impacted by the effects of the stroke, something that was clear during her interview with People.

In 2019, she won the Female Star of the Year award onstage during the Critics’ Choice Real TV Awards

Today, Sandra Lee says she is very conscious of how she speaks.

“I notice it right now that I don’t speak exactly the way I used to,” she said. “You’re really embarrassed to speak because you notice it.”

Looking back, she now recognizes the risk factors that may have contributed to her stroke. “My blood pressure and my cholesterol were not under control, and I have a lot of stress in my life, dealing with my patients and the show,” she explained, adding that the experience also shifted her perspective.

“I want to think about it as a blessing in disguise. Because it reminds you to take better care of yourself.”

What we should all be aware of is that knowing the signs can help save our life or that of others.

The American Heart Association reports that stroke remains one of the leading causes of death and long-term disability in the United States. Perhaps most concerning is the fact that women account for around 60% of all stroke-related deaths.

The reasons behind this are not simple. Experts explain that women may often experience symptoms that appear mild or easy to overlook, especially during busy daily routines. As a result, important warning signs can be missed, delaying urgent treatment when every second matters.

The Standard Warning Signs

Whether you’re a man or a woman, the classic red flags usually follow the F.A.S.T. acronym:

Face drooping
Arm weakness
Speech difficulty
Time to call 911

Other common “big” signs include sudden vision trouble or losing your balance and coordination out of nowhere.

Why It’s Different for Women

It is at this stage when the diagnosis gets more complex. While medical books always highlight the “classic” symptoms of stroke, physicians are now realizing that women tend to be exceptions and suffer from “atypical” symptoms. It goes without saying that those symptoms are not only distinct but rather quite “mild”, hence being easily overlooked and dismissed as nothing but daily stress, regular flu, or simple exhaustion.

What adds an extra level of uncertainty is the fact that patients, even health care providers such as Dr. Lee, might feel like waiting before doing anything about their condition. This problem is best explained by Dr. Pooja Khatri, a professor of neurology at the University of Cincinnati: ”Women more frequently have atypical, vague symptoms. They might start with fatigue, confusion or maybe general weakness, as opposed to weakness on one side of the body.”

These symptoms can be deceptive because, unlike something as obvious as one-sided paralysis, they don’t always appear alarming at first. There’s often nothing dramatic enough to immediately signal that something serious is happening. As a result, someone experiencing sudden mental fog or extreme fatigue might assume it’s just exhaustion and decide to “rest for a while” instead of seeking urgent medical help.

In stroke care, time is critical—often described as “time is brain”—and even small delays in treatment can lead to permanent damage.

5 Signs Every Woman Should Have on Her Radar

Fatigue: It’s not “tired from lack of sleep” fatigue; rather, it is sudden and intense fatigue.

Weakness: It may come in the form of typical symptoms like numbness in one arm, but it may also feel like being totally drained physically.

Confusion or Speech Issues: Suddenly feeling confused or having difficulty forming simple thoughts and speaking.

Unusual Pain or Numbness: Particularly if the sensations are one-sided. Severe pain should always be taken seriously.

Dizziness or Loss of Balance: Feeling dizzy or lightheaded, or losing coordination when walking.

Having suffered from a stroke herself, Sandra Lee has been extremely open about the long process of her recovery and its emotional impact on her. Her story resonates with us because we all know people who have suffered from a stroke: our mothers, our friends, our neighbors.

The trouble is that these warning signs can be easily dismissed until they amount to everything. Sandra Lee’s message is simple: Trust your instincts. If you feel like something is not right but cannot figure out why, do not hesitate to get medical help. This is not an overreaction; it might save your life.

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Bored Daddy

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Melania Trump’s secret dating history finally revealed

By

Monica Pop

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She once walked the runways of Milan, and she’s now walking the halls of the White House.

One thing most people can agree on about Melania Trump is that she’s far from ordinary. Her journey from a small-town girl in Slovenia to one of the most recognizable First Ladies in the US feels almost like something out of a Hollywood script.

Melania and her sister Ines were born in Novo Mesto, Slovenia, but grew up in the small railway town of Sevnica. Their father, Viktor, who was a car mechanic and chauffeur, and their mother, Amalija, who worked as a pattern-maker at a clothing factory, were able to provide a good life for their daughters.

“I grew up with a beautiful family and had a wonderful childhood,” Melania Trump said. “My mother and father taught us the importance of education, hard work and family.”

At the age of 16, Melania was scouted by fashion photographer Stane Jerko who spotted her leaning on a fence while leaving a fashion show at the Festival Hall.

“By the staircase at the entrance, I saw this girl,” Jerko recalled. “She was tall, slim, with long hair. I told her who I was, what I did, and why I would photograph her.”

It was back in 1987 when young Melania decided to drop out of the University of Ljubljana and focus on modeling instead. It took her only a year to get a contract with a modeling agency in Milan.

Once in Milan, Melania focused on her goal of making a name for herself and went home after work instead of partying.

“She kept to herself, she was a loner. After a shoot or a catwalk, she went home, not out. She didn’t want to waste time partying,” Jerko said.

At a Kit Kat Club event during the New York Fashion Week in 1998, Italian businessman Paolo Zampolli brought a friend, Donald Trump. He was with a date that night, but when he saw Melania, he immediately wanted to know more about her.

One of Melania’s friends, Edit Molnar, spoke of that night and explained that Donald asked Melania for her number, but she didn’t give it to him because he wasn’t alone. “Melania said, ‘He’s here with a woman. I am absolutely not giving him my number,’” Molnar told New York Post. “She wouldn’t even consider it. Donald did all the work.”

Melania also spoke of the night she first met Donald Trump. “He wanted my number,” she told Tatler. “But he was on a date, so of course I didn’t give it to him. I said, ‘I am not giving you my number; give me yours and I will call you.’ If I give him my number, I’m just one of the women he calls.”

Zampolli, who now serves as a US Ambassador for Global Partnerships, added: “She never dated anyone in New York before Donald. She only went to movies by herself and to the gym.

“This is a woman who modeled for Camel cigarettes on a huge billboard in Times Square but stayed home all the time,” Zampolli said. “She was not a party girl.”

Melania Trump married Donald Trump in a glamorous Mar-a-Lago wedding in January 2005, and the couple welcomed their son, Barron Trump, in 2006.

But, who were the men in her life before Donald?

Peter Butoln is among the first men to be publicly connected to Melania Trump, claiming he was her teenage boyfriend during her years in Slovenia.

“It was my first love. My first real love,” Butoln said in an interview with Inside Edition.

He shared that they met when Melania moved to Ljubljana at 17 to attend design school, and said he was instantly drawn to her when he first saw her in the city center.

“I saw her in a crowd of girls, and she was the most beautiful girl,” he said.

Their relationship reportedly came to an end when he went off for military service. He added that their last contact was in 1987, when Melania sent him a postcard that read: “I send you this postcard with nice warm regards from the seaside.”

A spokesperson for the former First Lady later rejected his claims, stating that he was never her official boyfriend.

#10year #anniversary 💍 @melaniatrump ❤️ @realDonaldTrump pic.twitter.com/rsa7cLdKrM

— MELANIA TRUMP (@MELANIATRUMP) January 22, 2015

Another man linked to Melania Trump’s past is Jure Zorcic, who says he met her in 1991.

According to Zorcic, he was riding his motorcycle when he noticed her walking down the street and decided to turn back to speak to her. “I had a moment and thought, ‘Wow, who is this girl? She is so beautiful,’” he recalled to ABC News.

“We met each other like in a movie,” said Zorcic. “I was on my motorbike, and she has been walking down a street. As I passed by her, I had a moment and thought, ‘Wow, who is this girl? She is so beautiful, I must turn back and follow her.’”

He said they went for coffee and started dating, spending a few months together and even going on trips with friends along the Croatian coast.

Years later, Melania moved abroad to pursue modeling in Milan and Paris.

“It was a bit of shock when I met her,” he told ABC. “She is very special, that’s the truth.”

The two later ran into each other again in New York in 2000, where Melania greeted him in English.

“I asked her: Did you forget that you are Slovenian?” he recalled. She told him she was living between New York and Florida and that “she would never go back to Slovenia.”

He also commented on her marriage to Donald Trump, saying, “I think her marriage to Trump was fate. Nobody believed 20 years ago that she would live at the top of the world, on Fifth Avenue in Trump Tower – even her!”

The moment Donald Trump walked into Melania Trump’s life in 1998 was when she shifted from being an unknown model to a woman with all eyes on her.

Despite Trump being a well-known man at the time because of his business empire, Melania took all of the media interest thrown at her with cool composure. She even spoke positively about Trump not just as her boyfriend, but also as the future leader of America.

“He would be a great president,” she said in a 1999 interview with ABC News. “He’s very smart…He knows how to do a business. He would be a great leader.”

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