Valerie Bertinelli confessed to feeling deeply ashamed about what she tolerated from her partners in previous relationships

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Valerie Bartinelli has always been one of those celebs who are candid about the things happening in their life. In the past, she spoke of her appearance, and jokingly said that she could be heard giggling as a swishing noise echoed in the background.

“I’m giggling because I had a small, hidden bruise activated today,” the actress says. “My jeans are rubbing together, creating this particular sound, so you can probably hear them,” she added, trying to make a point.

She said she hadn’t worn those jeans in ages, all because of a comment an ex made. He told her they made a noise when she walked, and that if she weren’t so lazy and actually worked out, they wouldn’t do that. Valerie then explained to her followers that this was the kind of thing she meant by a “hidden bruise.”

“Hidden bruises are something that emotional, verbal, and mental abuse does to you that people can’t see,” she explained.

“The work I’m doing on healing is working, so it’s now making me laugh,” she continued. “I put these jeans in storage for good. After working to cure her concealed bruise, she can “wear them, hear that sound, and to me, that sound represents freedom.”

Gilbert Flores/Variety via Getty

Most recently, the Hot in Cleveland star opened up about her past relationships and what she’s learned from them. Speaking on the Navigating Narcissism podcast with Dr. Ramani, the actress confessed that the hurt she experienced from her recent relationships went deeper than what she went though during her first marriage.

“I can look back at my very first marriage and understand the painful parts of it but none of that pain compared to what I went through in the last two times I tried love” she said. She added that she carries a lot of shame for allowing herself to be treated the way she was. “A lot of shame.”

Valerie was married to Eddie Van Halen for a long time, from ’81 to 2007, and then married a financial planner named Tom Vitale in 2011, though they split in 2022. More recently, she dated a writer named Mike Goodnough for about ten months, but they broke up at the end of 2024.

During the interview, Dr. Ramani challenged her, asking if she really allowed people to treat her that way, since she probably didn’t even realize what was happening at the time. Valerie thought about it and said that while she knows she’s emotionally intelligent and can stand up for herself in the moment—like telling someone not to talk to her like that—she admitted she still let the relationships drag on anyway.

“At a certain point it has to be my responsibility to say I’ve had enough. I’m walking away now” she shared.

The host pointed out that when you set a boundary like that in an unhealthy relationship, it usually just triggers a massive pushback—like gaslighting, manipulation, making you feel crazy, or things just escalating. Valerie totally agreed and said she finally reached the point where she just chooses not to engage at all anymore.

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA – OCTOBER 23: Actress Valerie Bertinelli attends the 2014 Power of Pink at House of Blues Sunset Strip on October 23, 2014 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic)

In the past, she told People that some of her past mistakes she made in her relationships taught her life lessons she’s grateful for.

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“Oh god did I learn a lot” she reflected.

While Valerie hasn’t closed the door on finding love again, noting that “there’s so many great men out there,” she’s approaching the dating world with new boundaries. This time around, she intends to keep any new romance under wraps until she’s sure about it.

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Monica Pop
Monica Pop
Monica Pop is a senior writer for Bored Daddy magazine covering the latest trending and popular articles across the United States and around the world.

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