Being a single parent could be one of the hardest things a person can ever experience, and I guess everyone who’s ever found in a situation like that can tell you that.
It was early that morning when I sat outside the mall in my car with Ivy and Lily sleeping in their stroller listening to an old voice note from Claire left after the delivery.
In that message, she told me: “Mason, don’t forget to buy some zip-up sleepers.” And I asked laughing, “Why not buttoned ones?” But she firmly replied, “No buttons at three in the morning,” saying, “Listen, you will cry before the babies do.” She said it while I was pressing my thumb on my wedding ring because the recorded me was agreeing “Fine,” and “Zip-ups.” Then Claire said, “And yellow,” as, in her opinion, “Everyone chooses pink and babies are not cupcakes.”
I laughed at first, but soon those laughs changed into tears. Claire was gone for three weeks already, but I kept catching myself looking behind to say something to her. Everybody told me how brave I was managing alone, but I was not brave. I was just tired, scared, and improvising. However, as Claire chose yellow sleepers, I took stroller by the handle and whispered “Okay, girls,” and “We’re doing this for mom.”
I found the sleepers at the mall. As I looked down at Lily, I said, “Your mom was right” and “Buttons are a trap.” The babies began screaming at once. Ivy was soaking wet. I softly said, “Oh, bug” before turning to Lily, “Yeah, I know. You too. We’re going.”
There was no changing table in the men’s bathroom. A guard informed me that the family room was closed. I sighed, saying again, “So, the family room is closed, and there’s no changing table in the men’s bathroom?” He simply said, “Yes,” and “Sorry,” while he pointed me towards the distant East Wing. An onlooker lady said to me, “No, you cannot go there. You are a man.” When I explained what was going on and that I couldn’t go elsewhere, she said it was not her problem.
It wasn’t something that could wait until we got home, so I said to my twins, “Girls, daddy’s got you,” and then I slung Ivy and walked towards the entrance to the women’s restroom.
“Sorry,” I called out before entering. “I have twin babies. There is no changing table in the men’s restroom, the family room is not open, and I will only be two minutes.” I laid Ivy down, and that’s when this woman, Patricia, walked in.
“You need to leave,” she said. I began to apologize, “I’m sorry. I’ll be out in one minute. My daughters needed…” but Patricia interrupted, “Sorry, not caring. This is a women’s restroom.”
“Ma’am, I announced myself. I checked. I am not trying to disrupt anything,” I continued. But she only said, “Then leave.”
But when both babies cried, Patricia said, “That’s why babies need mothers and not some dumb man who knows nothing about them.” That hurt because my head was flooded by Claire’s voice that told me “You are going to be such a good father,” before the doctor’s devastating “We are sorry.”
“Their mother died giving birth to them. Don’t use that to their disadvantage.” She then said, “Not an excuse for invading women’s private places.” As she continued saying, “Leave! Now!” I looked into her eyes and said, “No.”
She blinked in surprise saying, “No?” As I completed zipping Ivy, I said, “No, I’m not leaving Lily wet because I don’t feel like being uncomfortable about fathers fulfilling their duties.” She responded saying that it wasn’t my choice; however, I said, “It is, since she is my daughter.” She took out her cell phone saying, “Then, I’ll call the security.” I responded saying, “Yes, go ahead and call them,” adding, “But don’t stand so close.”
She called aloud, “Security to the women’s bathroom by the baby department. There is a man in here who isn’t leaving.” She even shouted from the door saying, “There is a man in the women’s restroom!” I didn’t pay attention to her and said softly to Lily, “I’m almost done,” while Patricia kept asking me to pack up. I told her, “Step back please, I’m holding one baby and changing another.”
In the hallway, Patricia followed me, demanding, “Do you understand who you’re talking to?” She bragged about her job at the city’s largest rental network—where I had just applied for housing. Seeing my face fall, she threatened, “One call,” and “and you’ll never find a place to live in this city again. I just need your name, and it’s all over.” I told her, “That’s illegal,” but she insisted rules didn’t apply to me. When I said, “You can’t threaten housing because I changed my babies,” she claimed, “I can protect my community from unstable people.” I stood my ground: “You can call whoever you want, but you’re not going to shame me into failing my daughters.”
All of a sudden, a young pregnant couple appeared before me. The woman said, “Mom. Stop.” Patricia urged them to keep out of it.
The pregnant woman turned out to be Patricia’s daughter, Paige, who had been listening from the hallway to my apologies. She told her mother, “Being pregnant is exactly why I know how mercilessly you are acting.” Her husband, Lucas, supported her when he added, “Our baby needs both of us.” Patricia tried to explain that women were different from men, but Lucas replied that “This is where it ends,” adding, “If you can respect both parents or not, please don’t bring such an attitude to our home. Patricia, you threatened this man’s home.”
Paige began crying, saying, “Mom, if anything happened to me, I would pray that Lucas fought as hard for our baby as he did.” Patricia retorted, “But he had no right,” yet I intervened, “But I didn’t have any other choice either.”
Security and the mall manager showed up. Patricia declared, “This man used the women’s bathroom.” Then I told them that there were no facilities, saying, “Since there was no table in the men’s room, the family restroom in this wing was unavailable, and the East Wing is a 15-minute walk. I gave them my name and apologized.
Lucas turned to the manager for filing a complaint against the mall because fathers should be recognized as well, and he demanded the number of his complaint to keep track of it. The manager agreed with him and totally shut up Patricia by mentioning that I only tried to solve a problem of having no facilities while she had been making things worse.
After that, the manager offered me a private room which had a clean table and some chairs. I said, “Thank you, I just need them dry and calm.” Paige told her mother that she was to apologize to me. When Patricia tried to explain that she didn’t know about my wife, I told her, “You shouldn’t have needed to.” After that, Paige threatened her that if she would ever treat Lucas as she treated me, they would have huge problems.
Inside the staff room, Paige came in with some dropped supplies, saying, “These fell out,” and apologized on behalf of her mom. I told her, “It wasn’t you.” Lucas agreed to ensure that the complaint got attention, and I said, “Please put my name on it as well,” because, when I looked at my girls, “I don’t want another dad in that hallway the way I stood.”
Finally, I purchased those yellow sleepers. At home, I placed them into their cribs and kissed my wedding band, whispering, “We survived the day, Claire.” Looking at my girls, I finally believed we could.
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Bored Daddy
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