Should love ever come with conditions? Does it need to be tested in order to be trusted? For most of us, the answers to these questions would be a resounding “no.” However, there are people out there who do question the love their partners have for them and they decide to put it on a test, but is that fair? Who knows, I’d say.
A young woman named Sarah shared the story of her love being put to test, and that ended badly, or maybe it didn’t, because she learned the true colors of the man she envisioned her future with.
It all started on an ordinary Thursday that turned out not to be that ordinary after all. What Sarah believed was that it would be one of the best nights of her life, but things didn’t end up like she believed they would, and it was all because of her boyfriend of seven years, who though he should test her in a way that doesn’t even feel like a test of love and loyalty after all.
Mark had been talking about that Valentine’s Day reservation for weeks. In fact, it was all he talked about, so it didn’t come as a surprise that Sarah hoped to spend a lovely night together with him. He kept reminding her to wear something nice, as though she wouldn’t wear nice clothes without him telling her to. Mark wanted her to put on that particular navy silk dress he liked so much and kept saying the night would be extraordinary. That itself put a lot of pressure on Sarah but she didn’t really say anything because she could see how excited Mark was about that dinner.
After seven years of anniversaries, of growing together, of compromising, and of creating a home, Sarah had that small, fluttery filling in her gut that the night would be the “turning point” in their relationship. The “turning point” where the two of them would become “forever.”
When Valentine’s Day finally arrived, Sarah noticed that the restaurant was overly romantic. The lightning was so bright, almost golden, that it made everyone look like they belonged on the cover of a magazine. There were candles, and a cellist by the door who played soft music, the kind that makes you want to reach across the table and hold someone’s hand. To Sarah, every single detail screamed proposal. And just as she thought about it, her heart started racing. Her instinct, as well as knowing her man all to well after that many years together, told her it was now or never.
Mark started the night with a bottle of wine that cost more than their first payment on the car. He carefully poured it into the glasses and raised his to “something important.”
As Sarah took a sip, she tried to take a better glance of Mark’s pockets and maybe notice that tiny box holding the ring she was secretly hoping for.
The food Mark ordered looked almost too pretty to eat. There was the steak, cooked to perfection, the lobster so tender it melted at the touch of her fork, the desserts like mini-masterpieces of architecture. They fell into the easy cadence of two people who knew the stories of each other’s lives by heart.
They talked of the disastrous road trip when the car conked out in the middle of nowhere, of the first small apartment with the lumpy couch, of the dog they would finally get when they decided to stay. For a while, Sarah let herself get lost in the warmth. She thought that all of these shared pleasures were just the beginning of something much, much bigger.
The evening went on, and then as they were calling it quits, the bill arrived. Sarah didn’t even glanced at it as she was enjoying the expensive wine. But Mark picked it up, glanced at the total briefly, and then placed it in the middle of the table.
“Shall we split?” he asked, and he was as serious as he could be.
For Sarah, that felt like the world stopped spinning. It wasn’t about the money, she had her own career, and it was a successful one, so she could easily afford to split that bill that cost $380, but it was about the absurdity of the question. It was Mark who had planned this evening for weeks. He had picked the expensive restaurant, had pushed the wine on her, and had told her it was going to be a night to remember. And he was asking her to pay for half of her own surprise?
And just like that, Mark’s “extraordinary” evening suddenly turned what? Transactional? When she tried to explain to him that what he asked for felt wrong, not the math but the intent, his face suddenly changed. Out of nowhere, he started talking about partnership, modern equality, and a bunch of other things that sounded to Sarah as though they belonged in a HR manual rather than a boyfriend of seven years.
She tried to explain to him that partnership isn’t measured by an Excel spreadsheet during a romantic evening, and that he was the one who wanted to surprise her with a lovely romantic dinner, and now it felt like he was trying to make her pay for the surprise he was planning for so long. It honestly felt to her like she was asked to pay for a gift she had been gifted, and it just didn’t feel right at all.
The tension between them changed the atmosphere in the room. The music no longer sounded soft, but disturbing.
Mark obviously got really mad. He signalled the server, paid the bill in full, and stormed out of the restaurant. He didn’t resemble the same person Sarah entered that restaurant with. She couldn’t understand how the night could go so wrong.
As he left, he just said, “I’ll see you around sometime,” and didn’t look back.
Sarah sat there, and she was so shocked that her body started shaking uncontrollably. She felt humiliated sitting in a crowded restaurant all by herself, especially after the waiter witnessed their argument.
What did Mark want? Did she want her to chase him? Was all that a power play? Sarah had no idea what she did wrong.
Not long after, the waiter approached Sarah’s table and told her the man who was with her left a note.
That note was a map of a minefield she never knew she was walking in.
Before leaving, Mark wrote on that piece of paper that he had spent so much time preparing for the evening because he wanted to propose her, but before that, he wanted to “test” her before committing for good. He had to see if she was going to “step up” and offer to pay the bill herself. To him, her not doing that showed a flaw in her character that he could not live with. So because she did not pass his secret test, he had decided right then and there that he could not see a future with her. He was done.
Yes, Sarah wanted to spend her life with Mark, and she hoped he would propose her. She even pictured herself saying “yes” many times in her own head. What she didn’t know was that the proposal she dreamed of wasn’t a gift of love but a reward for passing a tests she didn’t even knew she was taking.
At that moment, she felt anger, pain, and embarrassment, all at once. But as she came out of the shock, she actually realized that real loved is not a test, or a series of it. If he had wanted to discuss their financial situation and their expectations, he should have been honest about it. Instead, he had turned a milestone of their life a psychological game.
Sarah did grief for the seven years she had given to Mark. She grieved for her own naivety and for Mark’s deceit. But deep down, she was finding a sense of relief because she knew that if she tried saving her relationship by splitting the bill, she wouldn’t have actually saved anything worth saving. If it had not been for the dinner check, it would have been for something else. She would have spent her life tiptoeing around a minefield of her husband’s expectations.
It’s not that she didn’t think of calling him and apologizing. Those thoughts did cross her mind.
Sarah then stood up and left the restaurant. And she left it with something more than a ring; her self-worth.
She had learned that a real proposal was a question asked in the light, not a trap set in the dark. The waiter, in his own small way, had given her the greatest gift of all; the truth. She was finally free of the burden of having to prove herself to a man who was never really on her side.
Do you believe love should ever be tested this way?
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Bored Daddy
Love and Peace
