I am certain it has happened to you that you meet someone seemingly wonderful, just to see a completely different side of them months or years down down the road. And then you stop and wonder where their charm, kindness, and generosity disappear, only to realize that all those traits came with strings attached. All of a sudden, what looked like confidence turned into pure arrogance.
As much as we speak of how important and impactful first impressions are, the truth is that they are more than often just misleading. Why is that? Because people tend to put their best foot forward when they meet someone new. For quite a long while now, psychologists have noted how much social behavior depends upon something known as the “persona”, which basically means the social mask that everyone wears. According to Carl Jung, people tend to hide aspects of themselves through these social masks.
But this does not mean that the true nature of a person is impossible to spot. On the contrary, the most accurate clues will come out when nothing special happens; in other words, in situations when there is no need to impress anyone.
We simply cannot learn everything about someone within the first five minutes of meeting them; however, psychologists have identified certain aspects of behavior that say much more than any speech and presentation ever could.
The importance of everyday behavior
In times when things are working out well for you, just about any person can maintain a calm attitude and appear reasonable and polite.
Character truly emerges in situations when there is no reward for a good behavior and no real punishment for acting badly.
For that reason, ordinary, everyday situations say a lot more about people than grand gestures.
A person may donate a lot of money to a charity publicly, but in front of the very same audience they could treat a waiter horribly. They might share some very profound quotes on social media platforms while backstabbing their close acquaintances.
What is most important is not how the individual behaves when they know they are on display, but when nobody’s watching.
The first sign: How they treat people with no power
There is hardly a more telling sign regarding somebody’s personality than how they behave toward people who have nothing to give back, people unable to help them either advance in their career, improve their social standing, or provide any benefit for them.
Take the waiter at the restaurant, the janitor at the workplace, the cashier at the supermarket, the secretary, or that old neighbor down the road. Such people have no influence whatsoever on the other person’s life.
A person showing kindness and respect toward these people almost always demonstrates authentic empathy rather than trying to create an image of kindness and courtesy. Multiple studies confirm the link between empathy and prosocial behavior, cooperation, and low aggression. People whose natural concern is how others feel act kindly without fail and do not mind that no one is watching them.
On the other hand, take note of any time they become abrupt and condescending toward those they see as lesser.
Do they immediately get impatient?
Do they stop using polite phrases such as “please” and “thank you”?
And do they speak down to them?
Many people reserve their most decent mannerisms only for those people whom they need something from. This alone is already an indication of the person’s true nature.
This seems to be instinctively grasped by the older generations. Many of us grew up being taught that respect isn’t something you owe people because of how rich, educated, and well-connected they are. It is simply the basic minimum requirement when it comes to treating others. When someone is overly attentive to people with power but dismissive toward everyone else, it often suggests they view relationships as transactions rather than genuine human connections.
The second sign: How they react when things go wrong
The second massive clue reveals itself when life becomes frustrating or inconvenient.
It’s easy enough for anyone to appear emotionally mature when everything is going smoothly. But how will they react when things become absolutely miserable?
Being stuck on a delayed flight.
Waiting in a huge, crawling queue.
A messed-up order at a restaurant.
A project that bombs at work.
Unwanted criticism that comes from out of nowhere.
These little frustrations make a big difference in whether someone will act immaturely by blaming others or simply accept the situation and try to fix the problem.
Psychologists see emotional regulation as a significant measure of psychological maturity. The ability to cope with stress without resorting to aggression is a sign of self-awareness and good coping skills. Studies have proven that empathy works as an innate stress buffer, minimizing anger and conflict during stressful situations.
In addition, Jung observed that stress and pressure tend to bring out personality traits that remain hidden in comfort zones. The mask falls off when the heat gets up.
This does not mean that good people don’t ever get angry. All of us lose our temper at times, and everyone occasionally gets frustrated and exhausted. However, it all depends on what happens next.
Do they acknowledge their behavior?
Do they apologize for it?
Do they try to learn something from it?
Or do they stick to their guns and argue that it is always somebody else’s fault?
These basic habits will reveal much more than long years of polite small talks.
Other subtle behaviors that speak volumes
While these two main factors provide the most insight into a person’s true character, there are several others that are worth tracking. It may not take long before all these small things add up and reveal who the person really is.
Humor can reveal more than you expect
It doesn’t usually occur to people that humor can reveal a great deal about someone’s personality. Do they appreciate the absurdities of everyday life, or do they only laugh when someone else becomes the target of the joke? If there is always a streak of cruelty hiding behind the phrase “it’s just a joke,” it may point to deeper insecurities. On the other hand, people who laugh with others rather than at them often demonstrate greater emotional maturity and empathy.
Listen to how they talk about other people
Among the fastest means of cracking someone’s code is through observing how they talk about people who are not around. There definitely is someone in your midst that talks about a workmate, friend, or family member in a consistently negative manner. Gossip can sometimes be considered normal but continuous gossip speaks volumes about one’s tendency towards negativity. When they do not hesitate to put people down as soon as they leave the room, they will do the same to you.
Watch what happens when they gain power
The exercise of authority tends to exaggerate whatever a person is beneath the surface. There are some individuals who become excessively supportive with just a bit of power, while there are others who become controlling right from the get-go. Scientific research has revealed that authoritarian leadership types are associated with lower levels of empathy, while healthy and stable uses of power make individuals consider diverse viewpoints.
The issue of social media
Life in the modern age makes interpreting individuals difficult because social media is always filtered, staged, and crafted to present nothing but success stories. This tells you more about what they want you to see than what their reality actually is. Real character is expressed in mundane day-to-day activities.
What these signs teach us
In the end, these observations work best as a mirror of self-reflection. How do we relate to individuals who are unable to do anything for us? How do we react to extreme frustration, speak of those friends who are not around, or respond to situations when we are in charge?
Character is formed by tiny habits repeated on a daily basis. Carl Jung dedicated his career researching the difference between what we show others and who we really are. While words can easily lie, consistent everyday behavior rarely does. To truly understand someone, watch how they handle a bad day, how they treat the people they could easily ignore, and the choices they make when nobody is rewarding them.
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Bored Daddy
Love and Peace
