Am I wrong for leaving a family dinner at an upscale restaurant?

Am I wrong for leaving a family dinner at an upscale restaurant?

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When we try to please everyone, we often end up pleasing no one, including ourselves. This is something an anonymous Reddit member learned the hard way.

Taking to the AITA subreddit, this person started his story by explaining that he has been a very successful individual compared to the rest of the members of his family. He frequently traveled abroad for work, but whenever he was in his hometown he made sure he treated his family members to dinner.

This time, it wasn’t any different. The moment his mom learned he was coming home, she informed him of the family gathering she organized. She texted him the location of a high-end steakhouse and told him the family would be waiting for him there.

However, when he entered the place he was shocked to see over 20 people gathered there. Until then, the family gatherings consisted of around six people whom he was close to. This time, his mom even invited one of OP’s grandma’s neighbors, a person OP only met a few times during his life. He never even spoke to this person, only waved hi.

At that point, those who were present at the upscale restaurant had already ordered pricey steaks, which cost from $80 to $250 per person. As the waiters were bringing more drinks and more appetizers, the grandma’s neighbor raised a toast in which he highlighted OP’s generosity in covering the expenses. This set the stage for an unforeseen chain of events.

Medium overhead shot of families sharing dinner at table at outdoor restaurant during vacation

OP wasn’t happy he was expected to cover the bill for that many people without even be consulted about it in advance. According to his calculations, the bill was around $4,000 until that point, and counting.

Realizing his family was trying to take advantage of him, OP decided to leave the place.

He left $100 on the table and said, “I’m not paying for dinner,” as he stormed off.

His phone wouldn’t stop ringing. He received numerous messages, mainly from his mother, but he decided to turn the phone off and retire for the night. The following day he left the country without saying goodbye.

Despite recognizing his less-than-ideal handling of the situation, OP felt devastated that his family wanted to take advantage of him and his generosity in such a sneaky way.

“I know I’m nta with the dinner but more concerned about my reaction [sic],” he wrote.

Guys chatting in restaurant

Following his mother’s persistent pleas to call her, he decided to talk to her and apologize for storming out of the restaurant in such a manner, offering an olive branch. Sadly, he was met with accusations of being selfish, greedy, and disrespectful.

This came as a shock to OP who showed extensive kindness to his family over the years. Among the rest, he provided his mom with two cars, a bathroom remodel, a roof replacement, new appliances, and on top of that, he paid in full for numerous family vacations.

The accusations angered OP to the extent that he decided to put an end to any assistance for those who failed to appreciate it by taking drastic measures.

Shortly after, OP initiated a cascade of cancellations: six AT&T lines, internet services, streaming accounts with changed passwords or outright cancellations, removal from AAA coverage for the cars, termination of car insurance coverage for their mom, and the cancellation of the credit card they had provided. 

This decision marked the beginning of the end of funding things for people who never showed any gratitude.

Most of the family members wanted to get involved into the feud, and OP was even uninvited from a cousin’s wedding with the explanation that they wanted to avoid any drama, yet the expectation for a gift remained.

OP believed that he shouldn’t talk to his mother until some time passes by. In the meantime, the discussion about the upcoming family vacation, a once lively topic, now lay dormant.

OP’s mother kept sending her son messages, each more hostile than the other.

One of his nieces, who wasn’t present but heard from a third-party, informed OP that on the day he left the restaurant, the family tried to cancel the rest of the dinner, but with appetizers and drinks already served, they reluctantly split a $700 bill.

That same niece also told OP that the entire family branded him a greedy monster.

As expected, the Redditors unanimously deemed OP “NTA.”

“Everyone else at that table “knew” you were going to be paying for dinner but you. How odd. The position your mom and family put you in was quite disrespectful. And I do not know how you could have reacted better,” one person wrote.

“Your mom was way out of line for all of this. Starting with assuming you’re going to pay, choosing that expensive place, and inviting so many people. She owes you a major apology,” another added.

“Your family invited your neighbors!? Do you even know these people? Wait, it doesn’t even matter. And everybody had drinks and appetizers and steak…Paying for your part and leaving was entirely appropriate. They took advantage of the golden goose and the golden goose left and cut mama off,” a third commented.

Do you believe OP did the right thing when he decided to stand for himself?

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Bored Daddy

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