For better and for worse, in sickness and in health, and until death do us apart! But is it always like this? Not really, taking into consideration the number of divorces due to cheating.
Indeed, marriage is, or at least it’s supposed to be, a profound commitment, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that this connection blinds the partners to the rest of the world. No matter how wrong that sounds, truth is that human connections are rather complex and people do fall for others while married or in a serious relationship. There are times when we can’t help but feel attracted to those around us, whether that’s a coworker, a friend, or a random person we meet on the street or at the gym.
Attraction is an emotion, and it does happen, and what matters in such situations is how we react to that emotion; whether we act upon it or decide to ignore it and hope it fades away.
When a married man is attracted to a person outside his marriage, it triggers a massive amount of internal tension that is reflected in certain behaviors.
Below are 9 obvious signs of what a married man actually does when attracted to someone else.
1. He protects his phone
The very first change that happens in such a case is how he handles his phone. It’s not that he starts texting more; it’s more about how he starts using his phone differently altogether.
He’ll begin to keep it screen-side-down on the kitchen counter. He carries it along wherever he goes, from the bathroom to the garbage disposal to moving from one room to another. And if his wife happens to pick it up to check the weather, he might get angry and protective.
2. He creates distance through picking fights
Though subconsciously, a married man attracted to another woman would find excuses to get into a fight with his wife. This is a psychological defence mechanism known as “projection.” When he tries to convince himself that his wife is annoying, irritating, and nagging, he somehow doesn’t feel as guilty for his own behavior.
He will begin blowing trivial arguments way out of proportion and use the made-up argument as justification to storm out of the house, go on a drive, or isolate himself.
3. Sudden hyper-fixation on his appearance
If he has worn the same dirty cargo shorts and old shirts for years but suddenly decides to wear expensive cologne, purchase new clothes, or train at the gym with increased vigor, there must be a reason why, and that reason is simple, he has a new target audience in mind to impress. He would take extra time to stare into the mirror before going to work or run errands, driven by his unconscious need to appear attractive to that the woman he likes.
4. He checks out mentally
When he’s daydreaming about someone else, he experiences what psychologists call “limerence” or the relationship fog. While physically present on the couch beside his wife watching movies, his mind is blank and he does not respond to anything at all. He may have trouble remembering things he has just been told minutes earlier and he may even zone out when having dinner with the family.
5. Overcompensating with gifts
It is weird how guilt works. While some man will be irritable, others will take an entirely different approach. They will try their very best to be very nice, as opposed to their normal selves. If you find that your spouse, out of the blue, is buying you expensive flowers, doing the chores he does not like to do, or buying presents for no good reason, he is simply trying to appease his guilty conscience.
6. The other woman’s name slips into conversation… or vanishes
In the early stages of attraction, he would always bring up her name while seemingly just making small talk. He says things like, “Sarah from marketing came up with such an amusing story today,” or “Sarah says we must go out to that new restaurant.” Why? Well, he just enjoys talking about her. But when it comes to his realization that his attraction may turn into something more sinister, his behavior changes drastically. The name Sarah becomes taboo and is no longer mentioned.
7. Changing daily schedules and routines
Attraction takes time and proximity to develop and grow. This means that the married man attracted to another woman will likely tweak his normal daily behavior to make attraction possible. This entails working late in the office more often than not, showing up for work very early, spending twice as much time doing his errands, or taking up a new hobby that makes him spend more time out of the house. His justifications will all sound very logical and practical, yet the outcome is always spending less time with his wife.
8. Defensive overreactions to innocent questions
For someone with an emotional secret, any curiosity displayed by their partner comes off like an interrogation. When a man’s wife poses a perfectly reasonable question such as “How was your day?” or “Who sent you that text?” he does not simply respond to her question without getting overly defensive and making statements such as “Why are you questioning me?” or “Don’t you trust me?” Defensiveness is one way of avoiding a direct response and throwing his partner off course.
9. A shift in intimacy (two extremes)
When a married man is interested in another woman, the physical connection between him and his wife will generally come at one of these two ends. On one end, his sexual attraction towards his wife will disappear completely as all of his attention is focused on the fantasy. At the other end, there is a sudden increase in the physical interaction between him and his wife. The reason behind this is that he uses his wife physically as a way to relieve his sexual frustration.
Of course, none of these behaviors necessarily mean that there is a physical affair going on. In most cases, it is simply evidence that the individual is tangled up in the highly stressful mind game involving his crush.
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Bored Daddy
Love and Peace
